Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tabloid Fodder

As I was digging through my inbox, attempting to delete the scores of junk mail offering me free pizza (obviously sent from a trickster on Fear Street) and penis enhancement drugs, I came across a shining gem from reader Nick (thanks again, Nick!): a tabloid article from '95 featuring Our Fearful Master!


I love that his son never reads his books. "I'm insulted by that." Heh heh heh. Also, I find it creepy that he spies on his son and son's friends. "I spy on them. I listen to their music and I notice how they are dressing." Dude.

The photo brings about a few questions. Why are Stine's fingernails so long? Why is that skeleton wearing a cap that reads "#1 Fan"? How can you be a #1 Fan of an author if you have no eyes? Why isn't Stine looking at his #1 Fan? What IS he looking at? Did his wife just bake crullers and is now bringing them to him on his Goosebumps collectors plate? What is wrong with that skeleton's finger bones? Why is the skeleton massaging Stine's shoulder? Does the word 'boundaries' mean nothing anymore?!

HORRORS!