Since I started this blog in April 2008, I've read a ton of old Fear Street novels. A few were good. Most made me want to light my face on fire and put it out with a hammer. And the same goes for the characters lurking within the pages of these books. Some rock my face off. Others make me want to go back in time and abort myself so that I never have to live in a world where people like that MIGHT exist somewhere. Thus I have made a list of what I consider to be the Top 10 Worst Fear Street Characters and also the Top 10 Best. Oh, it was difficult. Difficult to choose only 10 for the Worst and difficult to even think of 10 who are any good for the Best. So after much deliberation and hand wringing, this is what I've come up with. Enjoy! Or something.
* Links to reviews are in the sidebar. But you already knew that... *
Top 10 Worst Fear Street Characters of 2008
10. Maggie Travers (Bad Dreams) - Maggie is a whiny, self-absorbed mess most of the time. The fact that she's a character in Bad Dreams, one of my least favorite Fear Street books of all time, doesn't help any.
9. Kimmy Bass (Cheerleaders: The First Evil) - Kimmy is a bitch. Enough said.
8. Kenny Klein (Seniors #2: In Too Deep) - Kenny sucks, man. During his stint as a counselor at Shadyside Day Camp, Kenny was paranoid, whiny, and cheated on his girlfriend with a rotting corpse. Epic FAIL.
7. Mickey Myers (Seniors #1: Let's Party!) - Mickey is a silly little pothead who caused his good friend Josh to nearly get ripped apart by a supposed vampire.
6. Cora-Ann (The Stepsister 2) - *sigh* Poor Cora-Ann. Throughout the book, we think Cora-Ann is the killer, but in reality, she's nothing more than a dull stick-in-the-mud, a two-dimensional plot device.
5. Hugh Wallner (The Stepsister 1 & 2) - What. An. Ass. The only thing Hugh manages to do in the course of any given day is stuff his face, make horrible jokes ( "Know what you call a waffle made with spoiled eggs? An awful waffle!" ), and insult his children, particularly young Rich. I feel sorry for his wife. I mean, she has to have sex with this man. *barf*
4. Laurie Masters (The Knife) - One of the most ineffective Fear Street characters EVER. Laurie doesn't do shit. Seriously. She stands around a lot, spies on some people, and is paranoid as hell. She does manage to save the child in the end, but I'm surprised considering how pathetic she is.
3. Honey Perkins (The Best Friend 1 & 2) - I must admit that I have decided to put Honey on BOTH lists because she's just so awesomely bad. She's on this particular list because she obviously didn't do her job as a psycho well enough. If she had, that shitty sequel would never have been born.
2. Marty (Cat) - Ugh, I hate Marty so much. He whines like a little bitch and he's a cat killer! Well, an ATTEMPTED cat killer. I don't wanna think of him. I'd rather think of this:
1. Reva Dalby (Silent Night 1, 2, 3) - Evil has a name (and red hair)! I think you all saw this one coming. Reva is a super mega rich bitch and has rightfully earned her spot at the top of this list. She's the Queen of three books in which she manages to stay alive even after many people try to murder her. There's no-one on the planet that she loves more than herself and constantly puts other people down. Maybe someday someone will write a Silent Night 4 where Reva finally meets her end and make all our dreams come true.
Well, that was sufficiently painful. Let's move on...
Top 10 Best Fear Street Characters of 2008
10. Melly (Seniors #2 - In Too Deep) - This ooey-gooey corpse manages to manipulate that stupid ass Kenny Klein and everyone else at Shadyside Day Camp. I love Vincent, the little ski-masked corpse that Melly's spirit inhabits. Plus, she tried to kill Kenny which made me cheer. I hate Kenny!
9. The evil red-cloaked skeleton (Seniors #1 - Let's Party!) - That thing was fucking awesome. It giggled while it made mince meat of a group of partying teens. And I'll be damned if I don't love a good giggling skeleton who murders for no reason other than it can.
8. Pam Dalby (Silent Night 1, 2, 3) - Pam is Reva's poverty stricken cousin which means she's dirt and fodder for Reva's hateful commentary. I think Silent Night 4 needs to have a scene in which Pam kicks Reva's ass. Someone write this book QUICK! Pam is awesome because she takes the higher ground and tries hard to be nice to Reva even though Reva deserves to be set on fire.
7. Melissa Dryden (Haunted) - Melissa is actually intelligent and plays it cool even though she's dealing with a "ghost" who won't leave her the hell alone. She searches for a reason behind Paul's appearances. Plus, it has a killer pair of denim cut-offs. In fact, there's copious amounts of denim in this book. Hmm. Also, Melissa's creepy father ("What are you wearing?") cracks me up.
6. Honey Perkins (The Best Friend 1 & 2) - Honey is my favorite kind of psycho--the kind that wants to take over your life completely at all costs. She wants to eliminate everything standing in the way of she and Becka being BEST FRIENDS. Honey's character is totally butchered in the second book which pisses me off. She's all but written out of the story. Damn thee to hell, Sara Bikman and/or ghostwriter!
5. Nancy Casey (The Stepsister 1 & 2) - Oh sweet mother Mary, Nancy is the best psycho EVER! I'm really talking about the Nancy of the second book. The one who liked to play with tools and made a mural on her wall consisting of the word 'HATE' written over and over again. The second book was basically the first book all over again with a few minor changes here and there, but Nancy was so much better in the second! We're not suspecting her as much because she's supposed to be "cured" but that flies right out the window when she whacks Jessie over the head with a frying pan. I love Nancy...probably more than I should.
4. Lou Hitchcock (Ski Weekend) - In my review of this book, I ranted and raved about how ridiculous Lou was and how irritating his stupid little sayings were ( "Well, there's her nibs!" ) but in retrospect, Lou was pretty damned hilarious. He was the only interesting character in the entire book. He was totally white trash and crazy, but I'll take it. He hits on a teenage girl when his wife is the next room, he tells disgusting stories (one about someone getting their head blown off and another about the time he was trapped in a cabin with three hot chicks), and he utters the only curse word I've ever come across in a Fear Street book: jackass.
3. Nicole Darwin (Switched) - Switched is my favorite Fear Street book and Nicole kicks some ass. Yeah, she's a complete nutjob, but who cares?!? She runs from the cops and sees some crazy stuff on the way. By 'crazy stuff' I mean 'some incredibly brutal murders'. She ends up in a mental institution, but that doesn't diminish her awesomeness.
2. Amanda Conklin (One Evil Summer) - Amanda comes into contact with a psycho witch/bitch during her summer stay at Seahaven. She sees her love interest die a very bloody death at the hands of Chrissy and her brother and sister end up kidnapped by the crazed witch girl, but Amanda gets her butt in gear and does something about it! Chrissy ends up burnt to a crisp. *Sizzle sizzle*
1. Robin Fear (Fear Park 1, 2, 3) - Robin is the ultimate psycho and I love him for it. He was the only character that I genuinely liked in all three Fear Park books because he was a total psychopath, he knew it, and he wasn't making apologies for it. I loved the parts when he literally started to fall apart. His thoughts were always hilarious and I know that sounds creepy because his thoughts were always about MURDER, but they were so straightforward and maniacal that I can't help but laugh. Marry me, Robin! Oh wait. You're dead. *sob*
And that concludes my Top 10 lists of 2008!!!
I know--it's such a tragedy. But what better way to bring in the new year than with Fear Street on the brain? 2009 should be full of even more Fear-y goodness...unless I finally lose my mind for good.