Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Double Date


Book Description:

No girl in her right mind would say no to a date with Bobby Newkirk. Not with those great looks, that easy charm, and the awesome way he plays the guitar. Of course, some people think he's just a bit conceited. But when it comes down to breaking hearts, that hasn't slowed Bobby down one bit. At least not until the beautiful Wade twins move to Shadyside. And Bobby brags to his friends that they'll BOTH fall for him. And they do. Too bad for Bobby the twins never learned to share. One of them is jealous, murderously jealous. Is it quiet, shy Bree? Or bold, sexy Samantha? Bobby had better figure it out...or his double fun will turn to double terror.

My Description:

We begin this piece of shit (let's just call it as we see it) with Bobby harrassing some chick named Ronnie. Yeah, this one's gonna be a winner, kids. He has her pinned against a locker and is kissing her. She kisses him back because he's hot, after all, even if he is a would-be rapist. *sigh* They flirt for a bit and then Bobby walks away as Ronnie begs him to call her later. Bobby really has no intentions of doing so: "He liked Ronnie. She wasn't the prettiest girl he had dated. Why had he asked her out? Because she was the only Tigers cheerleader he hadn't gone out with. He had to have a perfect record." What. An. Asshole. I have a bad taste in my mouth. I predict this will be my angriest post yet. I can't believe we're expected to have sympathy for this guy (because someone is going to attempt to murder him later, of course.) I'm already fervently praying for his death and I'm only on page three for God's sake! Grrr...

Bobby stops outside the music room to chat with a few friends, Jerry Marvin and Markie Drew. What the hell kind of name is Markie Drew? Anyway, Jerry mentions that he had to get a job at McDonald's and Bobby makes fun of him because Bobby's parents are rich and Bobby will forever be basking in the lap of luxury instead of flipping burgers and making McFlurries. Bastard. Seriously, what a dick!!! Unbelievable. Why has Stine made his main character such a unlikable piece of crap? Oh well. I can alwatys set fire to this thing later...that's my only consolation. Bobby walks off, but he doesn't get far--Kimmy Bass (we were first introduced to her in the Cheerleader books) grabs him and tells him she's gonna kill him. Yay! I've always hated you, Kimmy, but you may have just redeemed yourself. She's pissed because Bobby stood her up for their date the night before. His excuse? "I got a better offer." Blind...fury...consuming...me. Kimmy calls him a pig instead of castrating him like she should have and runs away.

Bobby makes his way to the music room where he and his friends hold their band practice. The band's name is Bad to the Bone *snort* and consists of Bobby on guitar, Arnie on drums, and Paul on keyboard. Before they start playing, the Wade twins enter and ask where Mr. Cotton, the music teacher, is. Arnie makes a painfully lame joke: "No cotton here. But I have some Q-tips in my locker." *groan* Get off the stage! The girls can sense the lameness in the room and it's choking them so they leave. The boys carry on about how hot the twins are and Bobby says he bets he can date both twins in one weekend. Once they realize what a diseased waste of space you are, Bob, I doubt they'll want anything to do with you.

After practice, they pack up and Arnie's girlfriend Melanie comes in. Bobby dated her for a few months the previous spring (she broke up with him when she found out he was messing with other girls) and greets her by throwing a drumstick at her. I'm becoming physically ill at the thought of spending 100 more pages with this asshole. Bobby looks at Melanie and thinks "Not bad. If she'd lose a few pounds, I might even ask her out again. I mean, when Arnie's finished with her." You've got to be fucking kidding me. Come on! Just before Bobby leaves, Melanie warns him about the Wade twins, telling him to stay from them because they're not what they seem. Ooo...does that mean they're even MORE psychotic than I thought? One can only hope. Bobby rushes out the door and runs into Bree. They chat for a bit and when Bree says that she and Samantha were thinking of trying out for chorus, Bobby says his dinky band could use a new singer. Bree says Samantha might be interested, but she herself is too shy for that. Bobby mentions that the band will be playing at The Mill, one of Shadyside's numerous dance clubs for misguided teens, on Friday night. He asks Bree if she wants to come and says maybe they could something afterward. Maybe she could stab your ass afterwards. Bree agrees and they part ways with Bobby thinking "One down and one to go." Oh Bobby. Stupid, arrogant, slut faced Bobby. You don't even know, man. You're going dowwwwwwn!

Later, Bobby and Arnie are hanging out in Bobby's room talking about Bobby's upcoming date with Bree. Bobby picks up the phone and prepares to call Samantha to ask her out. Idiot. Arnie is such an ass kisser, repeatedly screeching "You the man!" Of course, Bobby is eating it up: "Arnie is my biggest fan, Bobby realized. That's why we're such good friends." If only Arnie was a crazed, rabid fan...the kind that would cut out your tongue and eat it for Sunday dinner. Wow. This book has caused me to be more morbid than usual. Oh well. Bobby reaches Samantha and mentions the band needing a new singer. She laughs and says no way, she only sings in the shower. Bobby changes the subject and asks her out. He didn't count her actually possessing a conscience; she refuses...AT FIRST. The bastard somehow convinces her to go to the movies with him. She's suspicious, thinking it could be a BET of some sort, but agrees when he assures her it isn't. You people are repulsive. Bobby hangs up and a does a victory dance with his secret lover Arnie. Puke.

It's now Friday night and Bobby is admiring Bree's "fashion sense": "She wore a short black skirt over red tights and a silky, sleeveless red T-shirt. She had tied her black hair back with a red ribbon." Meh. The band takes the stage and performs covers of songs from the 50s. Bobby actually pretends to be Chuck Berry. Thank you for ruining the 1950s for me, Stine. I appreciate it when your brutally butcher the innocence! I don't think that made sense. Oh well. If Stine doesn't have to make sense, neither do I. After the band finishes, Bobby and Bree take off. They drive around Shadyside, listening to music and the sound of Bobby droning on and on about his pointless, boring life. Bree, obviously a hardcore masochist, asks him a question about his monkeys. Say what? Yes, some idiot has entrusted the lives of two animals with Bobby for a science project. He's named them Wayne and Garth.


"We're not worthy!"

Bobby explains his project: "It's a diet experiment. I'm feeding Wayne only bananas and water. Garth is getting a mixed diet." Great. Now tell me who gave you the moneys so I know whose ass to kick. "My uncle. He's an animal importer. He works for zoos. They're great monkeys, but I can't keep them. I have to send them back when the experiment is over." First of all, Bobby's uncle is a terrorist. Second, if Bobby is as irresponsible as I damn well know he is, those monkeys will be sent back in tiny little body bags. Around midnight, Bobby takes Bree home. Apparently all that talk of monkey experimentation has gotten Bree hot and bothered because before she gets out of the car, she plants a big wet kiss on Bobby. Yuck. She asks him out for the next night, but since Bob has a date with her sister, he has to decline. As he drives away, he says "Bobby the man scores again!" Gag me with a chainsaw.

The next night, Bobby is hanging out at the food court in Division Street Mall, waiting for Samantha. When she shows up, Bobby thinks she looks really sexy: "She wore loose-fitting faded denim shorts and a bright magenta midriff blouse." I don't see the sex appeal, but whatever floats your boat, Bob. Samantha freaks him out by saying that Bree is nearby, but she's only joking. Oh the laughs! HAHAHA! It hurts! No, really. It HURTS. They walk to the theater, but Samantha doesn't wanna see a movie. She just wants to walk aimlessly around the mall. Oh, and make fun of people. "Look at those people! Do you believe them? They're eating hot dogs, nachos, and ice cream at the same time. Think they know the way to the food court?" She and Bobby deserve each other. They have the same bitchface! Anyway, they go inside a jewelry store where Samantha steals a pair of gold earrings. They run away when a clerk tries to stop them. For once, Bobby is the voice of reason. SHOCK! But Samantha just ignores him and runs faster. They run until a security guard blocks their path. Justice? No, just a friendly warning: "You really shouldn't run. You could get." Thank you, "officer". They make their way to the parking lot where they laugh and joke about what just happened. Har har har! NOT. Bobby makes the mistake of allowing Samantha to drive; she pulls into traffic like a bat out of hell and speeds away. Bobby feels happy again because he thinks Sam is driving to River Ridge, the make-out spot. "Wow! She doesn't waste any time! Bobby thought happily." Put it back in your pants, Bob. They arrive at the Ridge and immediately start making out. Bobby's thoughts are so lame: "When word gets out about this weekend--the all-Wade weekend--everyone will know who's the coolest guy in school! I am the king! Bobby thought, kissing her again. The kind of rock 'n' roll!" *sigh* Do people at that school really give a shit about who this idiot dates? I doubt it. Samantha asks him if he likes her better than her sister and OF COURSE he says yes. He mentions that they look so much alike (well, they're TWINS, jackass!) and Samantha says there's a way to tell them apart and she'll show him when they get to know each other better. Why be so secretive? Unless it's something gross like a big hairy mole on her butt. *barf* Samantha says that Bree is very fragile and gets "strange" when she gets hurt so Bobby better be careful with her. That's not incredibly vague or anything. Please don't tell use more! *sigh*

On Monday afternoon, Bobby is making his way to the music room and thinking about the fact that Paul has threatened to quit the band in pursuit of a REAL life (i.e. an after-school job). Bobby spots poor Kimmy Bass beside her locker and decides to give her hell. He pulls her hair and asks her what she's doing Saturday night. When she says "Nothing" he replies "Then why not take a bath?" But it doesn't end there. She calls him a pig and he makes oinking sounds before saying "Takes one to know one." He walks of thinking "She's nuts about me." Bastard. Once he reaches the music room, Melanie tears him a new one for going out with the twins. Apparently she's friends with them, but she's more concerned about Bree. Bobby doesn't give a shit. Didn't see that one coming.

That night, Bobby tries to concentrate on his homework, but his mind keeps drifting to Bree and Samantha. So he takes a break and admires himself in the mirror. As he's staring dreamily at himself, the phone rings. It's our friendly anonymous caller! "Two's company. Three's a crowd. You'll pay. You'll pay double." Unfortunately, it turns out to be Arnie; he starts giggling on the line and Bobby quickly figures it out. What an amateur. They talk about how hot the twins are (we get it!) and the conversation ends a few minutes later. Yawn. The doorbell rings and Bobby, surprised, runs to answer it. It's Bree and she says she wants to talk. Uh-oh. She pushes her way inside as Bobby mentally freaks out because he gets the feeling Bree knows about his deception. They sit down and Bree explains that Samantha has been seeing someone...but she doesn't know who because Sam is being so damn sneaky. She's upset because she and Sam usually tell each other everything. So why the hell is she telling Bobby this? "I had to talk to someone. And you--well, I feel I can tell you things, Bobby." WHY? You've only known this douchebag for about 2.5 seconds. Bobby puts on his best shit eating grin and says he knows tons of people at school and will ask around about who Sam is dating. Bree is ever so grateful: "Thanks, Bobby. I don't know what I'd do without you. You've become so important to me." Are you listening to yourself, lady? You're delusional! You barely know him! Grrrrr.

A few minutes after Bree leaves, Bobby congratulates himself on a job well done and does a jig around the house because he's a demented asshole. A call from Samantha interrupts his 'me time'. She wants him to break things off with Bree because if she finds out Bobby and Sam are snuggle buddies, she could break. And if she breaks, she's capable of anything. ANYTHING! I wish she'd kill them both now and save me 90 pages of pain and boredom. Alas, that is not meant to be... *sob*

So it's some random night and Samantha and Bobby are in his car and she's driving like a deranged lunatic while he cries like a baby for her to slow down and mentally kicks his own ass for allowing her to drive again and she laughs at him and they manage to make it to the mall where Samantha confesses she doesn't have a driver's license. Are you kidding? I need a pill. Or a drink. Or a book written by someone with half a brain. The two enter the mall and we get our first mention of PIZZA as they head for Pete's Pizza. Damn. After the last post (the book that shall not be named! *cough*Goodnight Kiss 2*cough*) I really don't wanna hear about pizza. But here we are. Samantha asks if he broke things off with Bree, but she doesn't shut her freaking yap long enough for him to answer so he's off the hook for now. They talk about the band and Bobby confesses he's thinking of dumping Paul and Arnie for new band members. "That's show biz!: *cringe*

They leave the restaurant and Samantha leads Bobby to the jewelry store she robbed. She tells him that he's going to steal a charm bracelet for her. He says no way, but she makes fun of him and eggs him on until he finally agrees. Fool. He enters the store, lifts the lid of a glass case, and immediately sets off an alarm. He grabs the bracelet and runs away. He finally comes across Samantha who grabs the bracelet and puts it on laughing. HATE! Fortunately for me, Samantha gets her just desserts when she turns around and spots Bree watching them. Tee hee. Bree is majorly pissed and Sam looks terrified. Bobby lies as usual: "Samantha and I--we bumped into each other. Just a minute ago. And I thought it was you! I started talking with her and I called her Bree. I thought it was you." You shame me, Bobby. I'm embarrassed FOR you. Samantha sputters something and Bobby is shocked at how fearful she seems. Well, she lives with a psychotic maniac so I guess I'd be a little nervous, too. Bree seems to buy their weak excuses and she and Samantha go off to look at clothes, leaving Bobby alone. He thought he was gonna get very lucky, but NO. HA!

As Bobby walks to his car, he thinks about how awesome it is to be dating twins. "I'm famous! At Shadyside High they'll be talking about Bobby the Man for years to come! They might even have to put a special troph in the case in the front hallway of the school. 'Bobby the Man' it'll say. 'Both Wade Twins At Once!' " This asshole is acting like he won the Nobel Prize or discovered the cure for cancer. You didn't do anything, Bob! Shut your big mouth and come to terms with the fact that you're nothing but a lame, stupid, arrogant waste of space!!! RAWR! I'll try to calm down, but I don't think I can. The fury is in my blood! Anyway, Bobby is so busy kissing his own rump that he doesn't realize right away that something has happened to his car. But when he gets closer, he notices that all four tires are slashed. SCORE! He actually wonders who would do this to him. Who WOULDN'T do this to him? He deserves it! A car pulls up beside him and Melanie rolls down the window. She says she was on her way to Arnie's then looks shocked when she sees the tires. Bobby thinks she did it, but he needs a ride so he doesn't say anything. I hope it was Kimmy. REVENGE!

After classes on Monday, Bobby heads to the music room. Paul and Arnie want to change the band name to the Desperadoes. Even though Bobby thinks it's crap, he agrees to it. It's a hell of a lot better than Bad tothe Bone. God, these people are lame. Seriously. It's painful. Oh well. Before he reaches the room, he spots Bree and calls to her, but she runs from him. She's wising up. Samantha comes up a minute later, angry: "I saw you chasing after Bree. You're not really falling for her, are you?" Shut. Up. If either of these girls knew what was good for them, they'd get as far away from The Man as quickly as possible. Samantha ignores my advice and tells Bobby she wants to show him her science project. She pulls him into a classroom, makes out with him, and tells him she's gonna show him the difference between she and Bree. Ew, big hairy mole time! Samantha + Stine = Mole Twins. Actually, it isn't a mole at all. It's a butterfly tattoo just like on the cover (speaking of this crappy cover, those chicks look hella skanky and Bobby looks like he just stepped off the short bus. All he needs is a drool cup.) Then she says she wants Bobby to get rid of Bree and only date her. He agrees and decides to show her Wayne and Garth. I'm not getting attached to these cute little monkeys because I get the sinking feeling they'll be dead soon. Samantha shows Bobby HER project: cannibal ants from New Zealand. Give me a break. Ok, so there's no such thing as cannibal ants. But for the purposes of this story, if the ants eat the monkeys, I'm going to hurt you, Stine. I will slather your naked body in honey (if I don't choke on my own vomit first), tie you to a tree, and wait for some ants or a giant bear of a crazed wolf boy to devour YOU!

It's now time for Shadyside High's spring show, an event in which teens with mediocre talent (at best) can pretend to be rock stars for a day. Bobby's band is preparing to perform next. Kimmy is hanging nerby giving Bobby a death glare. "Sorry, Kimmy. I wish I could give you a break. But I just don't have time for all the bow-wows in this school!" Slice his fucking throat, Kimmy! Send the demon back to hell! The band goes onstage before Bobby can be murdered. Happily, Bobby gets a shock from his guitar--someone cut the amp wire. He wakes up a moment later with people hovering around him. Unfortunately, he's fine. He wonders who's trying to kill him. My guess would be the universe.

Later, he calls Samantha and asks if she thinks Bree could've cut the wire. Sam simply says "I warned you about my sister. She really could do anything!" Bobby starts to reply but is distracted by a noise behind him--it's Bree standing in the doorway. He quickly hangsup and says hello. She says his mom let her in and asks who he was talking to. He lies and says Arnie. She changes the subject and says she was so worried about him earlier. And then they make out to celebrate Bobby's brush with death. No comment.

One Monday afternoon, the Desperadoes are hanging out at The Corner NOT eating pizza. Arnie makes fun of Bobby's shock and Bobby says he's thinking about quitting the band because someone's trying to kill him. Poor sport. Someone grabs Bobby's houlders and he screams like a little girl. It's David Metcalf, a guy from the wrestling team, who laughs his ass off and makes fun of Bobby's shock before walking away. It does my heart good to see Bobby so upset. Yay! Melanie joins the group and immediately starts in on Bobby dating the twins. She went to elementary school with them and her mom has been friends with their mom forever. She doesn't want to see them get hurt by Bobby Booby. He says she just wants him for herself and walks out. His ego is suffocating me.

That night, Bobby and Samantha cruise around Shadyside. He brings up Bree, but Sam says she really doesn't wanna talk about her and turns away. Bobby glances at her just as her top slips down her shoulder. He doesn't see the tattoo and realizes this can't be Samantha. Ruh roh. She turns on the radio just as Bobby asks where her tattoo went. The noise drowns out his voice as Bob grows more and more nervous. You're screwed, man. Yay! He pulls over and asks her if she's Bree. She acts all offended and such and tells him to take her home. So who the hell is she? Does it matter? Doubtful. Only 50 more pages left...will anything happen? Who will die? Anyone? Or just an innocent animal? Let's read on...or rather I'LL read on since you lucky bastards aren't reading this piece of junk.

The next morning, Bobby spots Bree and Samantha talking in the hall and approaches them. He keeps walking when he spots something taped to his locker. It's a note that reads 'This Is You Inside'. He opens the locker door and resting on his books is a severed monkey head. Dammit, Stine! I warned you! Your honey-coated body is now fodder for forest animals, sir. Bobby backs away, pukes, and runs into Arnie who can't resist a joke: "I see you had eggs for breakfast." Nice. Arnie goes over to Bob's locker and picks up the head. "It's plastic. It's just a toy." *sigh* Wayne, Garth, and R.L. Stine are safe...for now. Bobby is furious and vows to find out who's doing this. Good luck with that.

On Saturday afternoon, Bobby picks up Samantha (did I mention the twins live on Fear Street? Yeah, explains a lot, doesn't it?) who insists he let her drive. She pulls over and says they need to talk. Great. She cuts right to the chase: "We have to kill Bree." Because that's logical. Samantha is incredibly enthusiastic about the idea and that disturbs Bobby, but all she has to do is kiss him to change his mind. Good GAWD. Samantha shifts position and Bobby spots the tattoo. He's really confused and says Bree was pretending to be her. Sam's response? "You're getting all mixed up. All the more reason to kill Bree." Bobby decides that she has absolutely lost her frigging mind and he only went along with her crazy plan to kill Bree because he needs time to think of a way to SAVE Bree. My brain hurts. She drives to her family's cabin which is conveniently located in the middle of nowhere. She says they can bring Bree here to murder her. What psycho. They walk to the door and Sam tells Bobby to shove it open. They go inside and take a look around. Samantha reaffirms the plan and they kiss. GAG.

At home, Bobby calls Bree and says they need to talk NOW. But her family is eating dinner and she considers that more important (how dare she?!) and says she'll see him at eight. That evening, Bobby picks her up and quickly tells her Samantha's devious plan. Bree is shocked and then says "I have to tell you something. You see, Samantha and I--we're not twins." Then what the hell are you? Clones? What she says next is such cracp, an unnecessary plot contrivance that makes my head nearly explode. "There's a third sister. Samantha and I aren't twins. We're triplets." Just what the world needs--another psychopath. Save me! The girl's name is Jennilynn and Bree says he must have been out with HER all afternoon. Of course Jennilynn has a ridiculous backstory: she's dangerous and was sent to live with her aunt and uncle on the West Coast because apparently her parents want those people dead. She always hated Samantha and Bree and was very jealous of them. At age 13, she started a fire that nearly burned the house down with her entire family inside. She was sent to a hospital then and once released, doctors thought it would be best if she didn't live with her family because she'd just try to kill them again. Bobby is only mildly horrified and Bree begs him not to tell anyone and he agrees. Bree says she has to tell her parents that Jennilynn is back. Have her aunt and uncle not called yet? Where is Jennilynn staying anyway? Oh well. Guess no-one really gives a shit. Bree says she knows a way Bobby can distinguish Jennilynn from she or Samantha--she has a butterfly tattoo. Of freaking course she does!

After taking Bree home, Bobby drives to Arnie's to gloat about the fact that he's been dating triplets. Unbelievable. Really. Truly. He arrives and Melanie is there. Why didn't she mention Jennilynn? She would've had to know...unless Bree is lying her ass off. Bobby says the same thing and Melanie says she can't talk about it and leaves. Ok... Bobby drives around town for a bit. He thinks he should dump the Wade sisters but decides not to because they're hot. Can you say IDIOT? Also, they're really not that hot. They look like they'd smell like hot garbage...

The next day, Bobby meets Samantha at the mall. You'd think these morons would stay away from that place considering they've stolen from there. *sigh* Bobby mentions Jennilynn and Samantha says something that sends me into a rage. A RAGE! "Poor Bree must be in bad shape again. There is no Jennilynn, Bobby. We don't have a third sister." What the hell, man? Stop dragging us through the mud! Is there another sister or isn't there? It's a pretty fucking simple question. I guess what I'm really pissed about is the fact that the author of this book ran out of steam about 50 pages ago and decided to throw anything resembling a plot to the wind which is why we're left with this steaming pile of dog poo. Sam wants to go home and tell her parents that Bree is up to her old shenanigans: "Bree hasn't done this in years, Bobby. When she was troubled, she used to make up these stories about Jennilynn, about our having a third sister. She would make up frightening stories about Jennilynn, horrible fantasies about this imaginary other sister." Ok, just shut the fuck up. I don't even care anymore and since this book is running on auto-pilot, so am I, dammit! Bobby asks to see her tattoo and she says she doesn't have one, bearing her shoulder to prove it. When Bobby presses the subject, she says he's imagining things and they need to go. Who's lying here?

That night, Bobby sits in his room and asks himself the same question. My guess? I think Bree and Samantha are pissed because he refuses to choose between them, opting instead to string them both along. So to get back at him, they're messing with his mind...and mine. The phone rings. It's Jennilynn. I doubt it! She says she saw him this afternoon with Bree and he protests that it was Samantha, but Jennilynn says she knows her own sister. She goes on to say they must kill Bree and also, she's getting really angry. REALLY angry, Bobby! Ask me if I care.

The next day, Bobby tries to put the Wade sisters out of his mind. If he could get over himself, he could ditch those fucking lunatics and wouldn't have anything to worry about. Sadly, his ego is out of even his control. Samantha pulls up and Bobby hops in. He tells her "Jennilynn" called him last night and she tells him to shut up and wait until they get to the cabin to talk. On the way, he spies the tattoo and she acts like he's crazy when he says it wasn't there yesterday. "I wasn't at the mall yesterday. I didn't see you yesterday, Bobby!" Has he not figured out that they are completely fucking with his mind? When they reach the cabin, Samantha knocks him out with an empty Coke bottle. Uh, ok?

When Bobby wakes, he's tied to a chair. Samantha comes into view and says her name is Jennilynn. And I say fuck off. She says her stupid sisters would love to pretend she doesn't exist because she's the bad one. You can see she's bad because she has a tattoo! (Yes, she actually says that.) She then grabs some honey and pours it over him. Hey! The little biotch stole my idea! Bobby spots the jar of ants and starts to freak out. Damn her. And damn him for being so stupid this entire time! She dumps the ants on him and they immediately start biting. Just before she leaves, she tells him to scream all he wants because no-one can hear him.

Bobby manages to squirm free because "ennilynn doesn't know how to tie a damn knot. He runs up the road and spots headlights bouncing toward him. It's Melanie. Bobby gets in and explains what happened and Melanie finally admits to knowing about "Jennilynn". Oh Bobby. You fool. Melanie drives Bobby to the Wade house where he spots the car that "Jennilynn" was driving. He runs inside screaming "Jennilynn is here!" and sees Ronnie, Kimmy, Bree, and Samantha laughing at him. Mr. Wade comes in and looks at Bobby like he's nuts when he mentions "Jennilynn". Bobby blurts out the entire story and the twins along with Melanie lie about everything. Mr. Wade tells Bobby to go home and leaves the room. Then the girls drop the bomb. All of them wanted to get back at Bobby for treating them like shit. They laugh their asses off as he says "You mean you don't like me?" He slumps out of the house and walks home. Mega BURN.

A few days later, Bobby is walking to the music room when he remember he no longer has a band. Paul found another group and Arnie realized he was a talentless loser and sold his drum set. As Bobby heads for the exit, Bree hands him an envelope. There's a note written on the outside that says "Twin sisters don't have secrets. We both knew everything from the start. Bye." No shit. He opens the envelope and finds a temporary tattoo of a butterfly inside. Kiss my ass, Stine.

Conclusion? Major suckage. A piece of my soul is gone as a result of reading this thing. At least the monkey's survived...

Next time: "Dead End" Will this 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' rip-off be the nugget of gold I've been searching for? I doubt it, but it will HAVE to be better than what I just read.

24 comments:

  1. God, I'm amazed yet again at your fortitude. I could never read this crap.

    "When word gets out about this weekend--the all-Wade weekend--everyone will know who's the coolest guy in school! I am the king! Bobby thought, kissing her again. The kind of rock 'n' roll!"Is this a real quote? Because it's amazing. I hate it so much that I love it.

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  2. Yay for another update! Glad to have you back. This guy is such an asshole. Hate you, Bobby!

    Also, tagged you in a meme on my blog:

    http://dibblyfresh1.blogspot.com/2009/05/pass-it-on-or-what-makes-stacey-mcgill.html

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  3. I actually think this one is awesome because the jerkass protagonist was being toyed with all along and is ruined by the end. Somebody lock that guy in a room with Reva Dalby.

    Slathering R.L.'s naked body with honey? Man, the line between love and hate really is that thin.

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  4. there needs to be a fashion guide to the clothing of R.L. Stine's female characters. Seriously.

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  5. I busted out laughing right when I read:

    "We begin this piece of shit...."

    and I never really stopped. The cover looked kind of familar, but as you talked more about Bobby, I remembered that asshat right away.

    -Amber

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  6. Outpostroad, that is indeed a direct quote. *cringe*

    Sadako, thank you. I'll check that out...

    Anon, if Reva and Bobby got together, the universe would implode. Save me, mommy!

    Cupcakewitch, I agree. BIG time.

    Amber, I'm glad I can make you laugh :) But it huuuuurrrrts me.

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  7. Ohhh...I just went back to the day where i used to read fear street books and used to think they were scary as hell. I read them all. I would like for you to review the really creepy ones like FEAR HALL or TRAPPED.

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  8. Hahaha the end of this book is priceless. The excessive third sister is inexplicable. I mean, why couldn't they just keep going with the whole "Bree is nuts" ruse, which they never even concluded!! The whole thing is so bizarre! I love it!!

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  9. Is it terrible that I actually kinda liked this one? Basically I am just a big fan of rejected girls getting their revenge.

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  10. I actually think this one is awesome because the jerkass protagonist was being toyed with all along and is ruined by the end.

    Reply: Yeah, me too. I remember reading this in high school and I didn't think it was too bad. But I probably skimmed through it and didn't really see any problems with it.

    Oh, well. Time makes fools of us all.

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  11. Oh, you know what would've been really good? If it wasn't a tattoo, but a mole, and it turned out to be stuck on. And then we know that that's the difference between R.L. Stine and his evil twin, one of them has a mole and the other one writes his own books.

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  12. Jannie aka girl talk readMay 18, 2009 at 9:40 PM

    Fear Street I love your continued support of my blog! I never read RL Stine so sorry I don't really comment, but I really love that u follow my blog!! ;) And I love the comments you leave!

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  13. Hilarious recap. ^_^ I vaguely remember liking this one. But maybe it was only because Kimmy and Ronnie were mentioned in it...

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  14. I do love the idea of the girls making that asshole's life a living hell. But, having recently re-read this book, I remember how painful it was. So...A for idea, F for execution, Stine.

    This recap, though, gets A's all around. :-)

    Interesting trivia: Cannibal ants actually do exist, and are common in Australia. They feed exclusively on other ants. African driver ants, however, have been reported to kill and eat humans.

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  15. Whitney, the ant fact is positively horrfying.

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  16. Here is a nice book. but between us, is a book with a huge lesson in moral, kind, take dirty with others and you will have the change when you least Eperara!
    the suspense is intense!
    Ah! 're the face that this book is for girls!

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  17. Lol my book came with the butterfly tattoo. But yeah, it was a piece of shit. It was confusing, irritating and I know a guy just like Bobby. Buh-arf!

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  18. This book slightly redeemed itself in that the monkies survived (rare that ANY animal survives a Fear Street book, I was starting to think Stine hated animals... hell, maybe he does), and that Bobby got his shit wrecked. It would've been perfect if he'd died or something, but the thought of him being knocked off his high horse and becoming the outcast laughingstock of the town is even better.

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  19. Gillty as chargedMay 23, 2013 at 3:51 AM

    I nearly lost my shit when you stated that "Jennilynn" poured honey on him and that she stole your idea. That's pretty ironic, honey would be the last thing I would've expected to be used on him.

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  20. Im so dead "we begin this piece oof shit" lmao. Im 12 and i have to do a book report on this dumb ass book >.< GAWD. I have to make a picture and everything like da fuck ^.^ ANYWAYS girl im with you most of this story is a piece of cow shit. I mean a giant piece of cow shit HUGE Love aalyiah, Bish what ??? (-_-) ( . )( . ) (())

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  21. Funny recap LOVED IT :-)love, Aalyiah A.K.A THIS_BITCHHHHHHH C;

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  22. If you read this book as a satire of sorts, and root for the 'villains' (because they're really the heroes), it's fun. Throughout the book I was smiling thinking "Is this moron for real? Does he actually think he can play twin sisters against each other?"

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