'Don't open that present!' If only Reva Dalby had listened to that warning. But beautiful, cold Reva won't listen to anyone. Reva thinks she can have whatever -and whoever- she wants. After all, her daddy owns Dalby Department Stores. Now, someone has some surprises in store for her. Robbery? Terror? Even murder? Someone wants to treat Reva to a holiday she'll never forget. Holiday cheer quickly turns to holiday chills for Reva. Someone is stalking her, someone trying to get to her. Her money can't help her. No-one can. After all, who can you turn to when murder comes gift-wrapped?
The book begins with a prologue in which our sweet little Reva is "working" behind the perfume counter at her daddy's department store. By "working" I mean she sighs a lot and wastes time examining her nail polish and make-up. We get a taste of Reva's bitchiness on the second page: "...two salesgirls, blonde model types, had scurried to wait on a dumpy woman in a stained, purple sweater-coat [WTF is a 'sweater-coat'?]...How tacky, Reva thought scornfully. That woman is beyond make-up. She should go straight to plastic surgery. And look at the bleach job on that one over there. Or is her hair naturally green? Reva snickered. Making fun of the customers was the only thing that got her through the day. They were just so pitiful." Damn, bitch! And that isn't all, oh no. On the next page, Reva talks back to her supervisor, Arlene Smith. Arlene asks Reva to begin stocking the shelves with the new Chanel shipment and Reva says "Gee, I can't. I just did my nails this morning. I don't wanna wreck my nails. Sorry." I'm sure she's sooooooo sorry. Arlene gets more and more angry while Reva just sits and smirks at her. Arlene finally storms off. Reva turns her attention back to her beloved nails. A man comes over and tries to ask for help, but she just ignores him. After he wanders off, Reva applies some lipstick and cries out in pain. She sees blood dripping from her lip and glances at the tube of lipstick. Someone put a needle in her lipstick. I don't know who did it, but I love them for it. The last sentence of this incredibly painful prologue? "Who would do such a vicious thing to her?" Who WOULDN'T do such a vicious thing to her?!
Ah, anyway, the first chapter takes us back two weeks before the needle action. Reva is driving around in her Volvo with her kind-of boyfriend, Hank Davis. Hank is a giant football player with short blonde hair and a diamond stud in his ear. They've been going out for six months and Reva is starting to get really bored with him. She pulls over to the side of the road and tells him that they're through. Hank is a little pissed and wants to know why. While Hank is pleading with Reva to tell him why, we get this: "Honey, you're too big to whine that way, Reva thought cruelly." This chick is cold. Finally, Reva says "I just decided to start the year off with someone more interesting." At least she's being honest. Hank flips out a little and I honestly can't see why. Reva is a total bitch and I can't imagine any guy would want to put up with her shit. She must put out. Anyway, Reva tells Hank to "take a walk" because she's "got to run". Yes, she's leaving him on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere, just like Lindsay/Marissa did to Arnie in The Dead Lifeguard! Hank tells her she'll be sorry as he gets out of the car to begin his walk of shame. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya! Reva starts to drive away, but before she does, she rolls down her window and calls to Hank. He jogs over and she says "Happy holidays!" and leaves him in the dust.
As she's driving, she's already thinking about what guy she wants to go after next. Hank who?! The guy she has in mind? Mitch Castelona. That sounds like a character from an 80s soap opera. Mitch is a tennis player with thick black hair and cute dimples and unfortunately for Reva, he already has a lady friend named Lissa Dewey (she's described as "drippy"). Reva turns on the radio and "Silent Night" is playing. Reva laughs and thinks about how silent the night is for Hank right about now. I wish Reva would get in a car accident...but no, she makes it to Dalby's Department Store safely. For some reason she comes to pick up her father every evening so they can drive home together. Ever since Reva's mother passed away years ago, they've been very close. And I'm totally creeped out. Reva goes inside the store and freaks out about the silence and the mannequin that seemingly snuck up on her. She comes upon Mr. Wakely, the head of security, who just says "Excuse me." and walks off. Uh, ok, sure, you're excused. Finally, Reva finds her father and he tells Reva that he just fired Mr. Wakely. Reva feels kind of bad (say what?!) because she knows Mr. Wakely's son, Mickey, from school and that family is kind of poor. Mr. Wakely was fired for drinking on the job. Well, Mr. Dalby, if you are as much of an asshole as your daughter, I don't blame Mr. Wakely for hitting the Jack! Mr. Dalby asks Reva if she has four or five friends that would be interested in coming to work there. Reva gets all excited (why?) and plans to call Mitch Castelona as soon as she gets home; if she has a job to offer Mitch, he'll surely leave his girlfriend! WTF? Seriously?
So yeah, Reva calls Mitch and asks him if he'd like a job and Mitch is pretty enthusiastic about it. Ok, I don't get it. These kids are rich, right? Wouldn't they be spending their Christmas breaks on their own island or something? I can't imagine them getting all pumped up about working the cash registers in a department store. Reva flirts a little with Mitch, but she loses her thunder when Mitch asks if Lissa could work there, too. Reva thinks about Lissa for a moment: "...the drippy little bleached blonde with that little girl face who everyone thinks is so cute. Lissa has as much personality as a sponge mop." At least she isn't a bitch. Reva obviously doesn't want Lissa working there, but she tells Mitch that Lissa can work there, too. "Why not? Reva told herself, unable to suppress a cunning smile. Having Lissa right there will make it even more interesting when I take Mitch away from her." Mitch tells Reva that Lissa is "right here" and he puts her on the phone. Lissa thanks Reva for hooking her up and Reva explains that Lissa should wear her very best clothes for her first day because she'll be working the perfume counter. Lissa says sure and they hang up. Reva neglected to tell Lissa that all Lissa will be doing is loading shelves in a basement stockroom.
After Reva hangs up the phone, her cousin, Pam Dalby, calls her. Reva is jealous of Pam's good looks (she's blonde of course) but not of the fact that Pam is poor and lives in a ramshackle house on Fear Street. I was wondering when Fear Street was gonna play into this! Reva mentally refers to Pam as "Miss Pretty Puss" and "Miss Sweet As Apple Pie" Grow up, Reva. Pam asks Reva if there are any jobs available at Dalby's and Reva lies and says no. Pam hangs up soon after and now we get her POV which is a welcome relief from Reva. Pam is pissed because she somehow knows that Reva is lying. She thinks more about Reva and how everyone at Shadyside High hates her. HA! Pam tries to call her boyfriend, Foxy, but he isn't home. Is her boyfriend a drag queen? Or perhaps a strong black woman? Then she calls her friend, Mickey Wakely (remember his alcoholic dad who got fired?) and plans to meet with him at the local 7-Eleven. When she arrives, we get Mickey's full description: short, jug ears, blond hair, blue eyes, freckly, goofy, bad complexion, has a passionate love affair with chocolate. Mickey's friend, Clay Parker, is also hanging out. Clay is the opposite of Mickey: slicked back brown hair, mysterious scar over his right eyebrow, steel gray eyes, troublemaker. Sounds like a comic book villain. Anyway, Mickey is freaking out because the store doesn't sell Zagnuts. They all grab some things and head over to the register to pay. The fat ugly cashier man tries to make Mickey empty his pockets because he's convinced Mick is going for a five finger discount. Clay chooses this moment to step in and be a wiseass: "I've never seen a pig that could grow a mustache." Ouch. Clay keeps antagonizing the cashier until the guy yells for someone in the back to call the cops. Clay starts shoving the guy's head into the cash register and then he, Mickey, and Pam run outside where they hear the police sirens. Damn, the cops move quick in Shadyside. I guess they have to, what with all the murders and such occurring constantly. They get into Pam's car and at first it won't start. Eventually it does and they take off with the police in close pursuit. Yes, kids, this has just turned into an episode of Cops. The cops chase them, but Clay won't pull over. After several crazy turns, Clay finally loses the police and they all have a good laugh about the whole thing. Yee haw. It turns out Clay did indeed steal something. All that trouble for a can of jalapeno dip. Was it worth it? I doubt it. All Clay is gonna get out of this is a terrible case of the shits. Anyway, they're all talking and Mickey mentions that his poor pops just lost his job which leads to Pam mentioning the fact that she can't find a job which leads to Clay mentioning that Mitch and Lissa (how does he know them?) got jobs where Pam wanted to work. Pam is pissed because she now KNOWS that Reva lied to her earlier. She vows revenge on Reva. YAY!
The next chapter opens with Reva (barf) driving along in her car trying to find something besides "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer" to listen to on the radio. Side note: I used to fucking LOVE that song when I was a kid! Coincidentally, I listened to it often with my grandma. Anyway! Reva sees some dude she knows walking on the sidewalk. I'm surprised she doesn't run him over...she just stops to talk with him. His name is Robb Spring and he used to "follow her around like an adoring puppy" but she would never go out with him because he's overweight. What a shallow bitch! I'm not sure how many more times I will have to use the word "bitch" but I predict it will be many. "I couldn't go out with such a buffalo, Reva told herself." BITCH! Why is she even bothering to stop and talk with this guy if she is so repulsed by him? Because her daddy needs a department store Santa and Robb is built perfectly for it. Robb agrees and Reva decides to play a little "joke" by telling him he'll be doing public relations. She can't wait to see his face when he realizes he'll be playing Santa. Blah. Later that night, Reva is at home babysitting for her little brother, Michael. After Michael goes to bed, someone knocks on the door...it's Hank, trolling for booty. Just joking, Hanky needs a job, too! Reva says no and Hank gets a little agressive so Reva whistles for her giant Doberman, King, who comes running and bites down on Hank's arm while Reva watches in amusement. The dog finally lets go and Hank runs to his car saying "I'll pay you back!" To which Reva replies "Don't you like to play with King?" Seriously, guys, I'm sure how much more of her bitchdom I can take. She's fucking horrible! Yeah, I know she's fictional and everything, but you know there's probably some chick out there that acts just like this!
The next chapter opens with Reva at work. Reva is cracking up because Lissa showed up wearing a really nice skirt and blouse. Lissa noticed that everyone else was wearing jeans and sweatshirts so she asks Reva what's up. Reva just keeps laughing in her face. She eventually stops laughing long enough to ask Lissa for forgiveness, but Lissa just glares at her. Lissa is given permission to go home and change. After Lissa leaves, Robb arrives and gives Reva a verbal lashing. Reva just laughs and says "You're perfect for Santa. You won't even need any padding!" Reva walks off to her department, laughing to herself, when suddenly someone drags her into a darkened supply room. It's Hank! This guy is a glutton for punishment. He tells Reva that he's paying her back for Sunday night (the dog incident) and then he tells her that he works there now as a security guard. Reva is kind of ticked off and Hank just says he'll be watching her on the monitors. Ok, Creepy McCreepshow.
And now we're back to Pam, Clay, and Mickey. Clay is playing around with a knife. Yeah, that's a good idea. Let the psycho have a knife. They're all hanging out in Mickey's living room while Mickey's dad hangs out alone in the kitchen drinking beer. Mickey tells Clay and Pam that his dad has been drinking nonstop since he got fired and that he never leaves the house except to buy beer. Uh, ok? There are other jobs in this world! Start looking! Pam changes the subject by telling the guys that her boyfriend, Foxy, got a job at Dalby's. I still can't get over his name. FOXY. Are you shitting me?! Anyway, Pam says she still wants to get back at Reva. Mickey is pissed at the Dalby's, too, because of his dad. Clay says he has a way to get back at Reva and everyone will have a good Christmas: "I've already worked out the night security at Dalby's. I'm going to rob the store." I think we all saw that one coming. Clay asks Mickey and Pam if they'd like to come along. He tells them that it won't be like an actual robbery, it'll be more like Robin Hood because they'll be taking stuff from the rich and giving it to the poor (i.e. themselves). Whatever will help you sleep at night, Clay. So Clay knows one of the security guards who hates the Dalby's, too, and the guy just laughed when Clay TOLD HIM that he wanted to rob the place. What kind of fucking idiot tells a security guard his plans to rob a store? This particular security guard happens to think it's a great idea but still. Clay says that the security guard will open the door for him, let him take what he wants, and then pretend like nothing ever happened. Clay once again asks Mickey and Pam if they wanna be part of it. Mickey does, but Pam refuses because it's wrong. Someone knocks on the door. It's the famous Foxy! Pam tells Mickey and Clay not to say anything because Foxy is a straight arrow kind of guy and wouldn't like the idea of them robbing a place. And the chapter is over. We don't even get to know how Foxy got his nickname? Assuming that is indeed a nickname...I pray.
The next chapter opens with Pam and Reva talking on the phone. The conversation consists of Reva telling Pam she's lucky because she doesn't have to work and Reva telling Pam that her dad wanted her to invite Pam over to their house for Christmas Eve. After they hang up, Reva starts thinking about Mitch. She's pissed because he isn't falling all over her like she thought he would. HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND, YOU STUPID BITCH!!!!! Oops, kinda lost it there for a second. She gets ready for work and as she's going out the door, her little brother asks her to take him with her. She says she will some other time. She doesn't want her little bro to witness her dry humping some guy! When she arrives at work, she finds Mitch in the stockroom. Run, Mitch!!! For the love of God, RUUUUNNNNNN!!!!! Reva tries to act all sexy, but Mitch isn't having it and I love him for it. He tells her that they need to talk and Reva says "I don't want to talk. I want to do this..." and then kisses him. Mitch loses a few points for kissing her back. Reva is really getting into when she hear's someone say "Whoa!" She turns around and Lissa is standing in the doorway. Busted! Lissa is understandably pissed and Reva has the audacity to say to her "We're kind of busy right now." Holy shit! Lissa, lay down the SMACK! Lissa just runs away crying and Mitch runs after her. Reva follows him out. He's just standing there, looking around for Lissa. She's disappeared. Reva is still all up on him, but he isn't having it. Yet the more he resists, the more she tries to sink her claws in. Reva spots Hank coming their way and she turns the annoying up a notch. She's hanging all over Mitch as Hank passes them by. Mitch tells her to get off of him, that what they did in the stockroom wasn't right. Reva finally takes off to the perfume department. She's 15 minutes late and her supervisor (Arlene) is ticked off. Arlene tells Reva that someone left a package for her. Reva eagerly opens it. It's a bottle of perfume...or so it seems. Reva notices something dripping off the bottom of the bottle. It's blood. She drops the bottle and blood splashes all over her. Karma sucks. Reva notices a gift card that was inside the box. It says "Happy Holidays From A Friend" We all hope to have such good friends! Reva assumes that it's from Hank so she goes to confront him. He denies it, Reva gets pissed, and runs to tell her daddy in the hopes that she can get Hank fired.
Suddenly, Reva hears gunshots and someone screaming. Her father runs out of his office, sees Reva covered in the blood from the perfume bottle, and passes out because he thinks she's been shot. Eventually, he comes back around and a security guard comes up and tells them that it wasn't gunfire. It was a power surge and the noise? " The lights started to pop, dozens of them all at once. Then the whole thing just shorted out." How random. Why was there a power surge? And wouldn't it have affected MORE than just a string of Christmas lights? Reva leaves a few minutes later. On her way home, she's followed by someone driving a white Taurus. She starts to panic and I'm hoping against hope that this guy dismembers her body and throws the pieces in a river. What? You weren't thinking the same thing? Well, he doesn't do that, in any case. Reva makes it home and when she jumps out of her car, the creepy man also jumps out of his. Check this out: he comes running up to her and says "Your taillight. It's broken. I accidentally bumped into it back in Dalby's parking lot. I'm really sorry." You should have just drove off, sir, like any normal person. Especially in this case. But I guess since it's the holidays and all...no, you still should have drove off. The guy gives her his insurance card and such and then leaves. Reva is all embarrassed because she thought he was some psychotic freak.
The next chapter opens with your friends and mine -Pam, Clay, and Mickey- on their way to rob Dalby's. I get the sneaking suspicion that this little plan of their's isn't going to go off without a hitch. Pam keeps saying that she's sick, but the guys seem pretty cool about the whole thing, talking about what they're going to take. Pam pulls into the parking lot and finds an especially dark area to park in. They all get out of the car and Mickey and Pam are shocked when Clay shows them the gun he brought just in case. They make it inside and Mickey is all excited because they have the whole store to themselves. Pam is still feeling ill about the whole deal and Clay is acting like an overbearing jackass. The security guard that was supposed to meet them there is nowhere to be found. They start to pick up some electronics, but they, like the amatuers they are, forgot to bring bags or something to carry their loot. They decide they'll make multiple trips to Pam's car with the junk. As they're grabbing some things, they spot a security guard coming towards them...but it isn't the one that is SUPPOSED to be there. He tells them "Don't move, don't talk." I told you this plan would go awry! The guard tells them to put their hands in the air (like ya just don't care! He-ey!) But the kids just start running instead. Then Clay turns around and SHOOTS THE GUARD. Smooth move, asshole. They all run outside, away from the scene of the crime. When they get to the spot where Pam parked, they notice that the car is gone. Oh wait--these idiots just came out the wrong door. They see Pam's car and jump in, all the while hearing police sirens getting closer. Pam drives them all home and that's all she wrote.
The next morning, Pam wakes up and thinks to herself "It was all a dream!" My mouth fell open when I read that..."What a waste of 10 pages!" I thought. But no, it actually happened. Pam is just in a little bit of denial. She starts thinking about how awful her life will be when everyone finds out what happened. She hears this on the radio while she's eating breakfast: "A break-in at Dalby's Department Store last night..." The reporter says that a guard was killed and $25,000 was taken from a safe, but Pam knows that can't be right. Yeah, they killed a guard, but they didn't take no money! Pam runs to call Clay and this book gets even more outrageous when Clay tells Pam that he didn't kill the guard: "My gun wasn't loaded. I just carried it for show." Are you fucking kidding me? Then who did it? Hmmm? The chapter ends there so I guess I won't find out anytime soon.
The next chapter begins with Reva's little brother, Michael, begging her to take him to the store with her. Once again, Reva tells him no. Reva and her father leave and there's never any mention of a babysitter or anything for Michael (he's only 6 years old). They probably just chain him to a post in the basement, throw some food and water down, and tune the TV to Nickelodeon. That'll keep him! Anyway, on the way to work, Reva and Dad talk about the robbery. When they arrive at the store, all the employees are wringing their hands over the robbery. All thoughts of this robbery crap leave Reva's mind when Mitch asks to talk to her in private. Ok, I thought Mitch was repulsed by Reva, but apparently not because he doesn't wanna talk after all. He just wants to make out. Mitch, you're dead to me. When Mitch comes up for air, he tells Reva that Lissa broke up with him because of what happened in the stockroom. Reva thinks to herself "That was easy. If only Mitch weren't such a wimp, I'd enjoy this more." Bitch. Mitch says that since he's not going out with Lissa anymore, he figured that he and Reva could get together sometime. And Reva turns him down. Bitch! I mean, Mitch is a little shitty, too, but Reva pretty much planned this whole thing and now she doesn't want anything to do with him? Mitch is totally pissed. Reva just walks off. When she gets back to her department, she discovers she has another package waiting for her, this one being quite large. Hopefully this one won't be a bloody mess. Reva opens it and screams because she thinks it's a human corpse stuffed in the box, but it's actually just a mannequin. And once again, there's a gift card that says "Happy Holidays From A Friend". Reva runs off like the whiny little shithead she is.
So what's happening on the Pam/Clay/Mickey front? Nothing much. They're all hanging out at Mickey's house again. His dad leaves to go buy more beer...I'm surprised this guy hasn't succumbed to alcohol poisoning yet. Pam brings up the subject of the robbery AGAIN. She asks Clay what happened to the guard that was supposed to be there, but Clay says he has no idea. The phone rings a few minutes later and a strange voice says "I saw what you did. I want my share." The chapter ends there. Damn!
The next day, Pam is hanging out with Foxy. They're watching TV when the phone rings. Here we go again. Pam picks up and hears the same strange voice: "I want $10,000 or I'm telling the police. I saw you. I saw you kill the guard. I saw everything. I want $10,000 to keep quiet. I'm coming for it soon." Pam freaks out and tells the caller that they don't have any money and the caller hangs up. She starts crying and breaks down and confesses everything to Foxy who is sympathetic. He tells her she should tell the cops, but Pam says no. Foxy suggests that they visit Clay. They drive to Mickey's house (does Clay live there?) and tell Clay about the calls (because apparently Clay lives there now). Clay just says "I'll kill him." With that little pop gun? Shut up, Clay.
Aaaaaand now we're back to Reva. I love the title of this chapter: "Everyone Hates You, Reva" It's true! It's so true! So it's Thursday morning and Reva is at work doing anything BUT work. Seriously, her father is paying her for doing jackshit. Anyway, Reva pays a little visit to Hank in order to tell him to stop the stupid games. She ends up apologizing for her cruelty in the past right before accusing Hank all over again for all the bad things that have been happening to her (the needle in the lipstick, the bottle of blood, the mannequin). Hank still denies that he did anything at all and Reva still doesn't buy it. Hank tells her that he feels sorry for her and "everyone hates you. Everyone. I can think of ten people who hate you enough to put a needle in your lipstick." Score! Reva says "You're crazy! You're really sick!" Hank tells her he isn't being cruel, he's only explaining why he feels sorry for her. Hahahahaha. He challenges her to think of one friend she has and of course Reva can't think of anyone because everybody really does hate her! And with good reason! Reva tells some sob story about her mother's death and blah blah blah...none of it excuses her behavior. This interlude ends with Reva crying on Hank's shoulder.
Bounce back to Pam. It is now Thursday night and Pam wants to see her beloved Foxy. She is walking along when someone grabs her and pulls her behind a shrub. The person tells her not to scream and not to turn around. She obeys and then the person says "I saw what you did. I was there Friday night." Ah, it's our anonymous caller. Pam says that they don't have any money. Anonymous says "This is just a warning. I can get to you. Easy. I can hurt you. I can hurt you right now." Well, that's just great. Pam keeps insisting that they didn't get any money, but Anon refuses to believe this, claiming again "I saw you!" Pam chooses this moment to turn around which was exactly what this freak told her NOT to do. And now he's really pissed off. Fortunately for Pam, Foxy shows up at that moment and the attacker runs away. As Foxy is walking Pam to his car, Pam says "You won't believe who is blackmailing us!" Do tell! Oh, she can't tell because now it's Reva's turn for a chapter...
Reva is standing around at work thinking about Hank when she hears some noises. She goes to "investigate" and finds Mitch and Robb beating the crap out of each other. The manager comes in and breaks it up. Mitch blames everything on Robb, but the manager doesn't really give a shit and tells them both to get back to work. The manager and Robb leave and Reva asks Mitch what happened. Mitch just says "What do you care?" and walks off. Later (I have no idea when) Reva FINALLY brings her pathetic little brother to the store so he can sit on Santa's lap and tell him what he wants for x-mas. Michael sees Santa and is disappointed because he's a fake Santa. Reva doesn't really care and drops Michael off at her father's office. Reva wanders down to her department and finds yet ANOTHER package waiting for her. It's the ultimate Christmas gift: Mitch's corpse with a giant kitchen knife buried between his shoulder blades. Shit. The police come to take him away. Lissa is freaking out and Reva wonders who could have done this. Later that night, she thinks she knows who did it. For no reason at all. She just thinks she knows. Ok.
The next chapter opens with Pam asking Clay flat-out "Did you kill Mitch?" Turns out Mitch was the guy who was making those freaky phone calls and the one who attacked Pam that night. Well, at least that mystery is solved. Pam keeps pestering Clay and Clay avoids the subject, never giving her a real answer. Finally, he gets sick of Pam and says "I didn't croak Mitch." Uh, ok. Weird way to put it but ok! Mickey makes some comment about how strange this whole situation is and Clay goes berserk because he thinks Mickey believes he "croaked" Mitch. Mr. Wakely comes into the room just as Clay grabs Mickey by the throat. Mr. Wakely screams at them to get the hell out if they're going to fight. He's totally wasted and freaks the kids out. They go outside and Clay leaves (so I guess he doesn't live there after all).
The next chapter is titled "The Confession" but I bet it ends before any real confession is made. It's Saturday morning and Reva is telling her dad that she may have come across a clue about Mitch's murder. I hate when stupid people try to play detective. When they get to the store, Reva goes to Hank and asks to see security tapes. Does she not think that the frigging COPS would have already checked those out? Anyway, Hank plays a tape that shows Santa and the kids. Reva tells her father that the Santa on the tape is not Robb. She kind of suspected it wasn't when Michael told her that the Santa was a fake because he had a pillow in his shirt to make it look like he had a bigger belly. Robb, the REAL Santa, is already plump and wouldn't need a pillow. Reva then explains that she found Mitch and Robb fighting that one day. She doesn't come right out and say Robb killed Mitch, but her insinuation is so strong that her father goes to call the police. The cops come and arrest Robb! All because of Reva! I admit that Robb isn't looking too good right about now, but they don't have any hard evidence. All they have is some idiot's assumptions.
Ok, guys, check this out: Pam comes running up to Robb saying "Foxy! What's happening? Why are they arresting you?" WTF?! Foxy is Robb? Robb is Foxy? Why is Pam there? My brain hurts. Foxy Robb tells Pam that he only wanted to help her. Pam asks again what happened and Foxy Robb tells Pam that he had to get even. The cops lead a screaming Foxy Robb away. Pam glares at Reva and Reva just stands there doing nothing as usual. Reva eventually goes back to the make-up counter and the day goes by "surprisingly fast". When Reva leaves the store, she finds Pam outside waiting for her. Pam tells Reva that there is NO WAY Foxy Robb could have killed Mitch. Reva argues that Foxy Robb wanted to kill Mitch and that he even had someone else play Santa so he could sneak away and commit murder. Pam tells Reva that he snuck away so he could see Pam. Because that makes a shit ton of sense. Couldn't he have waited until after work? Whatever. Pam confesses that Foxy Robb was the one who played those "cruel jokes" on Reva. Reva softens up for some reason and she and Pam hug. Pam offers to give her a ride home and Reva says yes, but she needs to go back to her dad's office to get her bag. She's a little freaked out by the darkness and the fact that "Silent Night" is playing when she goes inside. Does sound a little creepy, but it gets even creepier when a man comes out of the darkness holding a gun. It's Mr. Wakely! Reva says "Mr. Wakely! You don't work here anymore!" Genius insight. Mr. Wakely replies "I still have some work to do." I love you, you drunk bastard. Wakely then starts rambling about Maywood (the name of the security guard that was supposed to be there the night that Clay, Mickey, and Pam tried to rob Dalby's): "Maywood said that three kids were planning to rob the store. He said the three kids would be a distraction. Me and Maywood would empty the downstairs safe, see. And the three kids wouldn't even know it. We got the money ok. It was a good plan, see. It would've worked fine. Only I stepped out from the back office and I saw that one of the kids was mine!" Wakely goes on to say that he was the one who shot the guard and he also killed Mitch. Oh good. He tells Reva that he'll have to kill her now, too, because she knows too much. If I had a nickel for everytime I've heard that...
Reva runs, but Wakely chases her. He isn't too drunk to run and fire a gun at the same time. Reva thinks she's a goner...until she comes upon Hank. Hank tells Reva "I was downstairs fixing a videocam. I saw everything on the monitor in the basement. It's all on tape. Wakely's confession, everything." How fucking convenient. The next chapter opens with Reva, Foxy Robb, and Hank sitting on a bench together at the police station. Pam, Mickey, and Clay are being questioned. Pam comes out of a room and tells them that she will have a hearing, but for the time being she's in her parent's custody. The book ends with a private Reva moment: "I feel so warm, Reva thought, as if a layer of ice has melted away from me. If I hadn't been so cold, so bottled up, so hateful, maybe none of this would have happened." Watch me as I pull every hair out of my head.