Guest Post #3: Amanda

Fear Street and Goosebumps have always seemed a little shameful to me.  I never wanted to be seen reading them.  It was much cooler to say you were into Stephen King or Dean Koontz.  They wrote books for ‘grownups’ with sex and swearing and everything.  So even though I wouldn’t publicly declare my love of R.L. Stine’s books, I still coveted them in secret.  I used to try to force my much younger sister (who was not a reader at all) to buy all the Goosebumps books just so I would be able to read them myself.  Under the guise of spending ‘quality time’ together, I would greedily read while she played with Barbies in another part of the room.

The most shameful part of all of this was not how much I loved Fear Street and Goosebumps, but how absolutely obsessed I was with R.L. Stine’s one adult novel Superstitious.  I must have read this book at least 20 times and I have absolutely no idea why I loved it so much.  It is a terrible book.  The plot is intriguing enough, but the characters are poorly written and the dialogue is atrocious.  Shocking, I know.

For those of you who didn’t spend their childhood reading and re-reading this book, here is a short synopsis (This synopsis is actually from memory which is probably really sad. I can’t believe that this book’s plot is still taking up valuable space in my brain).  The main character is a graduate student in college named Sara.  Shortly after Sara gets to the school she meets and falls in love with a handsome Irish professor named Liam.  Liam seems like the perfect guy and Sara quickly marries him.  He has two slightly weird things about him though…he lives with his adult sister Margaret and he is extremely superstitious and insists that Sara abide by his very strict rules about his superstitions.  In the midst of this love story there is a string of grisly murders on campus.  The bodies are ripped apart as if attacked by an animal and a few people around town have seen fleeting glimpses of a weird creature.  And if you haven’t figured out who the killer might be yet, I don’t believe that you are truly a R.L. Stine fan.

It’s hard to say why I loved this book so much.  I was well aware that it was a guilty pleasure even when I was a teen.  It’s just so fabulously lurid.  From the opening scene where a girl is ripped apart while running drunk through a field and singing the song ‘Oklahoma’ to the fantastic reveal that yes, Liam is an actual monster and he has impregnated Sara with his monster baby.  Superstitious is just filled with gruesome murders (eyeballs being pulled out) and body horror (on Liam and Sara’s wedding day Liam’s tongue suddenly becomes all monstrous and extends four feet out of his mouth all yellow and throbbing).  And the sex.  Oh yes, this is the book where R.L. Stine write sex scenes.  And they are a sight to behold.  I’m sure they appealed to me as a teenage girl because they sound like they were written by a teenage girl.  Sorry, Stine.  Sexy you are not.   I’d like to think that he is writing this as a sort of cautionary tale for his teen readers…have unprotected sex with a guy you barely know and you will end up with a monster baby.  But most likely it’s just Stine letting us in on his particular bedroom kinks.  Shudder.

So there is my deep, dark secret.  I unabashedly love this book and honestly if I still had it I would read it right now.  That is definitely one perk to being an adult.  I can now proudly read any sort of cheesy 90’s book and just tell people I’m being ‘ironic’.  Bring on the Goosebumps!

*****

Thank you, Amanda! Quick note: I have a copy of Superstitious and yes, you will all be exposed to it here eventually. Can you feel the excitement? CAN YOU FEEL IT?

Guest Post #2: Spongey

*Note: I know I said I was only going to do these on Friday, but I'm not going by that. I'm just going to post these erratically because SCREW SCHEDULES. Now, I command that you enjoy Spongey's Fear thoughts.*

*****

Hello, Spongey here.

  

Well, this is my first time being on a different, better blog. I saw that the best blog since Blogger Beware wanted guest posts, and I could not resist. So I think I shall tell you my experiences with both Fear Street and Goosebumps…well, mostly GB. Since all my FS know how comes from this blog and I’ve only read like…8 books. So the FS section is just brief  “reviews” of FS books, but I shall talk a bit about it.

 

How My Goosebumps Led Me to Fear Street

It was 5^th grade and I had finished work. At that age, it’s the worst thing ever. I was too young to give a fuck about music so I had no iPod or any of that modern bullshit. So I had to look at the teacher’s bookshelf.

I looked through the crap until I found four Goosebumps books. I had known of the series, in passing. I thought it was like a hardcore horror thing. Silly 5^th grade me. My first was Don't Go To Sleep. You know, the book with the awesome cover that had nothing to do with the book.

I liked it, so I read a few more, but Let's Get Invisible! turned me off cuz I wanted vanishing fun and not mirror double. Of course, now it’s in my top 13 GB books. Silly me! I put it off until 2007. Cartoon Network was showing the TV show. I watched and loved its cheesiness, so I was like “eh, I’ll read the books again”.

Now I have 42 of them. And that’s just the original series. I’d talk about how the 'so bad it’s good' bits of GB made me love it even to this day, and how Calling All Creeps is the best thing ever written…but I won’t.

 

Okay, let’s move on the main thing: Fear Street

 

Remember how I said I though GB was hardcore? Yeah, imagine how FS made me feel. My brother had one in the closet, Wrong Number 2. I passed on it since it was a sequel. After I found Blogger Beware, I saw someone mention a Fear Street blog. So I read this blog and loved it. I was like “I’ll finally read these”. I read Wrong Number 2 and liked it. Then I read the first one and saw how 2 copied 1 so much. I like FS ,in a way, for how dumb it can get. But GB is better to me since…well…Calling All Creeps > Wrong Number 1. That is all.

But I still find them to be interesting in concepts. I mean, they used zombies more than Goosebumps…which makes no sense, but whatever.

 

So now for My Thoughts on the Fear Street Books I’ve Read!

 

Missing

I really liked this one, actually. Good mystery, sweet ending, a freaking CULT?! Give me that shit. It was just good fun. But I didn’t get the dog killing scene. BIG LIPPED ALLIGATOR MOMENT much?!

 

Still, it works and I think its among my faves

 

Wrong Number 2 

   
Skipping 2 since it’s just okay, not much to say about it. First, I love the tagline drop. Never seen that done before! Anyway, most likely the best I’ve read, at least critically. A solid plot, a good villain, great suspense and A CHAINSAW MURDER! The most badass thing Stine ever wrote…besides any scene with Billy in Welcome To Camp Nightmare, but whatever. But the scene with the disguises was too sitcom-y for my tastes. But I still loved this one.

The Sleepwalker

I just read this one the other night. I like it, actually! Some decent suspense and we have a okay mystery. Not a great book, though, bogged down by some…Stine-ism. Yes, that is a thing. Walker (I don’t think anyone cares about spoilers, this book is like 20 years old) being the villain…was obvious. But in an odd way. I first pegged Link for it “excuuuse me princess!”

 

SHUT UP LINK.       

 

-because it seemed obvious in a Stine book. But he got me there. He created a character so obvious I didn’t think of the more obvious one! I like Walker being a bit too bossed with Myra, I have a thing for creepy fanboys. Always creepy! Despite some dumb moments, I like this one

 

Haunted 

Okay, I loved this one as much as everyone else!  Good mystery, ghosts, a Weird Al name drop, and a smart main character! What's not to love?! The twist shocked me. I mean, a ghost from the future? Never thought that would happen…not much else to say. I mean ghosts from the future! Can I add to that?! No. Good book.

 

The Stepsister and Ski Weekend

Not too much to say about either so I am combining them. The Stepsister was good and had a great killer. Not much to say...it just has a good killer. I OWN this one and have little to say! Ski Weekend was so dumb it rocked.

Lou said jackass. Love that. The only other swearing in a Stine thing is in the recent Haunting Hour show, where someone says “bitch”. No joke. Anyway, good killer and a cheesy yet awesome dude named Lou. That is all.

 

The Best Friend 1 & 2

 

Another crazy killer. I love killers that obsess over their victims. Okay, I love psychological horror, I admit. She counts, right? First book was mostly just alright, just with a good killer. Oh, and the ending? Love it. I know it’s unhappy, but it was great. Funny thing: people bitched about the downer so much they wanted a sequel. Goosebumps has downer endings all the time. No-one cared. What. The second one had a good first half and a crappy second half. I love how Sarah, the winner of  that contest, found this blog. Amazing. Okay books.

Final Grade

Confession time. This book scared me. No joke. Why? The villain. A guy who loves Lily to the point that he kills people to make her happy. I am scared shitless by ax crazy fanboys/girls. So Misery made me shit my pants, you see. I know this blog said this book sucks, but I was creeped out by the bad guy and thought it had a good story.

I’ve read some others (some of the Sagas, which I adore, Bad Dreams, The Thrill Club, which sucked hard. When a ghostwriter makes me miss Stine YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG) but I have little to say. Long, pointless blog here. But Stine’s books, even the awful ones, changed my life. I've made ideas for my own type of books, which read as parodies in a way. I had one that featured a robot working at a fast food place using the meat of his victims in the place of food. I had one with ghost pirates, one with a killer laptop, and other stupid shit. I mostly made this to help pay tribute to the blog that introduced me to Fear Street. Maybe it can be too harsh, but it’s still very funny and tells me which books to stay away from. I will never read Goodnight Kiss, but I may buy it to stare at its SEXAH cover. 

As for Goosebumps…over on my blog, my Wordpress one (look it up) I am doing a big Goosebump-A-Thon, looking at all the books. I’m on 52, so close to done. Shameless plug aside, this is my stroll down Fear Street. I will show these books to my kids and I hope you induct me into the Order of the Mole. See ya.

*****

Maybe I should revisit Final Grade. I do enjoy torturing myself. Hmm. Anyway, Spongey, I thank you and OF COURSE you have been inducted into the Order of the Mole for wanting to psychologically scar your future spawn with these paper tragedies.

Next guest post: Amanda F.

The New Girl

Book Description:

Dying for a Kiss

She's pale as a ghost, blonde, and eerily beautiful--and she seems to need him as much as he wants her. Cory Brooks hungers for Anna Corwin's kisses, drowns in her light blue eyes. He can't get her out of his mind. And the trouble has only begun: Shadyside High's star gymnast is losing sleep, skipping practice, and acting weird. All the guys have noticed, but only Cory's friend Lisa knows the truth: Anna Corwin is dead and living on Fear Street. Now Cory must explore its menacing darkness to discover the truth. He has already been warned: come to Fear Street and you're dead!

My Description:

Prologue

Anna is lying dead and bloody on the ground. The killer didn't like how perfect Anna was so he/she pushed her...down the stairs? Out a window? Not sure, but it doesn't matter because the result remains the same: Anna = deceased. Her murderer is possibly Anna's brother or sister because they keep referring to 'Mom' as in ' "[speaking about Anna] My Diamond", Mom always said.' The sibling slaughterer is looking down at Anna's crumpled corpse and decides it's time to pretend to be shocked and horrified. "Anna's dead, Mom! Come quickly! It's all too horrible-but Anna's dead!" Smooth, kid. Real smooth.

* * * * *

So the main character of The New Girl is surprisingly male. Usually we get airheaded chicks who don't know their ass from their elbow to guide us through our Fear. Will a teenage boy be any better? I wouldn't hold my breath. Anyway, Cory spots the beautiful blond new girl for the first time while he's performing childish stunts with his friends in the cafeteria. He ends up face planting in a tray full of food. Because he's just that awesome. As Cory is raking spaghetti from his fat head, he asks his friend David if he saw that bootiful girl, but David didn't see anything because he was too busy watching Cory make a fool of himself. Cory grabs a few things to eat from his friends' plates and thinks about how grateful he is that his gymnastics coach didn't see him bite the dust. Apparently gymnasts are supposed to be coordinated or something.

Cory goes to his locker amid the shouts of kids making fun of him for having slop all over his shirt. His friend Lisa has the locker next to his and she tells him how great he looks. He'll never look as great as Lisa, though, who is described as looking like Cher (circa 1989).

 

Kick. Ass. Anyway, Lisa gives him a black and white striped shirt ("It's from the Gap. It's for girls or boys. You know. It's just a shirt.") so he can change. Cory washes spaghetti sauce out of his hair in the drinking fountain, puts on the clean shirt, and spots the mysterious blond again. She's halfway down the hall and Cory notices that she seems to be floating. Floating is the preferred hobby of all dead chicks who are doomed to roam the earth for all eternity. Cory calls to her, and she turns, says something quietly that Cory interprets as "Please don't", and slips into a classroom. 

Three days later, Cory is still obsessing about the girl. It's interfering with his gymnastics bar stuff (Can you tell that I have no idea what I'm talking about?) Anyway, Cory had a dream about the girl kissing him all over his face in the cafeteria, but when he tries to touch her, his hand goes right through her. Cory doesn't understand this dream. Open your eyes, boy! She's the ghostliest ghost on Fear Street!

After gymnastics practice, Cory runs into Lisa and they walk home together (Lisa lives across the street from Cory). Cory mentions the girl and Lisa tells him her name is Anna Corwin and she has third period physics with Lisa. Lisa really doesn't know Anna because Anna never says a word and is absent a lot. But she does know that Anna lives on Fear Street and that scares the bippy out of Cory because everyone knows that Fear Street is full of horrors and such. Cory walks home thinking about what a nice, old-fashioned name Anna Corwin is. I've never known a teenage boy who ever called anything "nice and old-fashioned". Congratulations, Cory.

Later, Cory calls information for Anna's number and address. He debates over whether he should call Anna's beautiful corpse and eventually does. A young man answers and informs him that this is the Corwins' place, but there's no Anna there. THE PLOT THICKENS! Except not because we already know she's dead. Dammit, Stine, why did you have to tell us she's dead?! (As if we couldn't have figured it out ourselves even if he didn't tell us--this is Fear Street, after all.) And why is she going to school? What does that accomplish? A high school diploma will not serve you in the netherworld.

The next day, Cory sees Anna when he gets to school. He asks her questions he already knows the answers to and he can't get over how pale she is. "It's like I can almost see through her skin." Indeed. He tells her he tried to call her and asks if he had the wrong number or something, but she says no. She doesn't explain further because dead people just don't give a damn.

Later, Cory is at a gymnastics competition against a rival team, Mattewan. What, no Waynesbridge? As Cory is doing his routine on the bars, he spots Anna in the bleachers and of course he ends up falling on his ass. He finds it very funny: "I'm falling for her!" HAR. HAR. HAR. I should kick you in the face for that, Cory.

On Saturday night, Cory is sitting alone in his room thinking about Anna. He decides to go next door to hang out with Lisa in an effort to forget about Anna. Lisa answers the door and they sit on the couch to talk. As Cory describes how he screwed up at the gymnastics competition, Lisa starts running her fingers through his luscious locks. Ooooo! But the moment he mentions Anna, Lisa gets pissed and tells the clueless Cory to leave. Back in his bedroom, Cory wonders why Lisa freaked out, but he doesn't really care because Anna has infected his feeble brain like a parasitic worm and he can think of nothing else. He calls her house and a woman answers. He asks for Anna and the woman asks why he keeps calling. In the background, he hears a girl scream "Let me talk! It's for me! I know it's for me!" The woman tells Cory that Anna isn't there and hangs up. Cory is a little horrified at the screaming he heard and wonders if Anna is being tortured and held prisoner in her own home (only being allowed out for school and Shadyside gymnastics meets? Is that part of the torture?) He decides he has to find out and must go to Fear Street right away. Here we go, kids!

Cory has a few second thoughts before leaving, mainly because a family of three was recently found murdered in the Fear Street Woods. But he decides he has to make sure Anna is safe...as long as someone goes with him. He calls David and David tells him to pick him up. When Cory arrives at David's, he gets bad news: David's dear sweet mama won't let him go. David recently busted his ankle and he's still on crutches. Plus, he has a cold so his mom wants him home. Cory will have to venture to Fear Street alllll alooooone in the darrrrrrk. He makes it to Fear Street and parks because he thinks it'll be easier to find Anna's house (444 Fear St.) on foot. As he gets out of the car, he hears an animal howling. "It doesn't sound like a dog. Could it be a wolf?" It's a werewoof. Cory starts walking and singing "Love Me Do" to himself. (Keeping it '62 in '89.) He finally finds 444. The mailbox is lying in the street, the grass is overgrown, and weeds are waist-high. It doesn't looks like anyone lives here so Cory turns away and heads for his car. Suddenly he hears footsteps behind him and they're picking up speed. He starts running, but someone grabs his shoulder. AIEEE! It's just a guy who says he was out walking his dog Voltaire (does Voltaire know he is living in the deepest circle of hell?) when he saw Cory wandering around and thought he needed some help. Cory asks about the Corwins and the man says they do live there and they're very strange. "I wouldn't go up there uninvited, I don't think." The man walks off and Cory proceeds to completely ignore his advice and knock on the Creepy Corwins' door. A guy who appears to be in his early 20s opens the door a crack. Cory asks about Anna and says he goes to school with Anna. The guy begs to differ: "Anna is dead. Don't come here again. Anna is DEAD!" We heard you the first time, shrieky. Cory is shocked and numb at the news. He drives home and manages to fall asleep.

On Monday morning, Cory gets to school early to wait by Anna's locker even though he's now aware that she is a specter and their teenage love can never be. Anna never shows up so Cory drags his carcass to homeroom. Later, he asks Lisa if Anna was in physics and she says no. Lisa is still acting pissy with Cory because she likes him and he a) doesn't realize it and b) is totally obsessed with Anna Corwin who isn't even an actual human being anymore. As they walk to lunch, Cory tells her about Saturday night. Lisa thinks it's amusing because she believes that Cory simply got the wrong house, woke up the guy who lived there, and, as revenge, the guy played a joke on him by telling him Anna is dead. Cory doesn't think that's the case at all and stops paying attention to her so she says she isn't hungry anymore and leaves. Such a childish little girl.

After school, Cory does clerical work in the school's main office because apparently the school pays so little, no adults want the job. He realizes this is his opportunity to find out more about Anna. After using a ditto machine to make announcements (damn this book is old), he sneaks into the principal's office to sift through the student records. Before he can begin looking, Miss Markins, one of the secretaries, comes toward the office so Cory dives beneath the principal's desk. She leaves a moment later and Cory resumes his sneaky snooping. As predicted by anyone reading this book, there is no file for Anna Corwin. GASP!

A few days later, Cory is at a basketball game with his goofy friends Arnie and David. He ends up telling David about Anna's missing file and the fact that he's not sure she even exists. When he hears that Cory has access to student records, David gets excited and wants Cory to find his. David ain't interested in no ghosts. Cory leaves a minute later because his friends are worthless and Shadyside basketball sucks arse. Once home, he goes to bed and is awakened a little later by his ringing phone. It's a creepy weirdo with a hoarse voice (they're ALWAYS hoarse. Don't they have lozenges in Shadyside?) "Stay away from Anna. She's dead. She's a dead girl. Stay away from her-or you'll be next!" Cory is disturbed by the call and starts thinking about the guy who came up to him on Fear Street. Maybe it was he who called. Except Voltaire doesn't let him use the phone past 9 PM so it can't be him. A few moments later, the phone rings again. It's Anna. She she needs help and tells him to meet her on the corner of Fear Street. Cory agrees because Anna sounds so sexy on the phone...even though Fear Street scares the hell out of him. To scare himself further, Cory thinks about a story he read in the newspaper last spring. Two cars collided on Fear Street. There was blood everywhere, but when cops arrived, the cars were empty. I think Cory was reading something else...this sounds like a National Enquirer alien abduction story. Anyway, he arrives at Fear Street and waits. He doesn't see Anna so when she opens the car door a second later, he screams like a scalded girl. "You frightened me." *sigh* She says he's the only one who can help her. Cory plays it cool by confessing that he has been obsessing over her from the moment he laid eyes on her. She says she thinks of him, too. Then he says he needs to know that she's real so she kisses him to prove her realness. She tells him "You're all mine now." I think that means you're royally screwed, Cory. Anna admits she didn't need help at all, she just wanted to see if he would come. He mentions the man at her house and she says that's her crazy and dangerous brother Brad. When Cory tells her that Brad told him she was dead, she runs away. The dead are uncomfortable being reminded of their own death.

The next morning (Saturday), Cory's mom wakes him early because he has a gymnastics meet against Farmingville. Cory thinks about what happened the night before after Anna ran from him. He got out of the car and Voltaire pounced on him, knocking him to the ground. Voltaire's owner didn't seem too apologetic: "You back again, son?" Cory got a little freaked out and left. Cory can't stop wondering who that creep is and for a moment thinks it could be Anna's brother Brad in disguise. "Get real!" My sentiments exactly.

At the meet, he runs into Lisa who says she has to tell him something about Anna. Lisa's cousin has a friend who goes to Melrose (another high school...somewhere) and that friend once knew an Anna Corwin. "Well, you're not going to believe this. She said that Anna had been in her class-but that Anna was dead." Anna supposedly fell down her basement stairs and died instantly in the fall. Cory is finding this hard to believe because he kissed this dead girl last night. Lisa wants to play amateur detective and investigate the matter. They leave in the middle of the meet to go to the library to check out some microfilm (my kingdom for a Google search box). They find an article on Anna's death with a photo of her that confirms it's the same Anna these two have been seeing around Shadyside.

That night, Cory takes a joy ride around Shadyside, eventually ending up on Fear Street because that's where all roads in this town take you. He slows his car outside the Corwin house and sees Voltaire loping down the street with his owner walking close behind. This leads to the best lines in this book and possibly all other Fear Street books EVER. "There he is again, Cory thought. Do he and the dog prowl Fear Street all night? Are they ghosts, too? The Ghostly Guards, he thought. They've been assigned to keep people from discovering the truth about Fear Street-from discovering that everyone who lives on Fear Street is DEAD!" I love it. GHOSTLY GUARDS 4EVER.

At home, Cory goes to bed and has another Anna dream. Anna comes to his room and tells him she is indeed dead, but he can still take care of her. All he has to do is DIE. "Then we can be together." His ringing phone wakes him up. It's just Anna begging for help AGAIN. She tells him to meet her in front of Simon Fear's old burned-out mansion and he goes because he's been rendered droolingly stupid by lust. Once there, he waits for a while in the car and then gets out to see if he can spot Anna nearby. "He listened for the neighbor and his vicious four-legged companion. The Ghostly Guards." It will never get old. Cory waits and waits, but Anna never comes. Finally he jogs over to the Corwin house and bangs on the door. A very irate Brad answers. "ANNA IS DEAD! ANNA IS DEAD! Why can't you believe me?" Brad doesn't wait for an answer, he just pulls Cory inside and laughs at his obvious fear. Then he tells him to get lost and never come back. Listening is not Cory's strong suit.

A few days later, Cory is in the cafeteria with his idiot friends thinking about the usual ghost. He's tried to call Anna more than once over the past two days, but no-one ever answers the phone. Looks like Brad finally got caller ID. After Cory's friend Arnie pretends to choke on a peach pit, Cory leaves and goes for a walk around the parking lot. He comes back inside a little later and goes to his locker just as Lisa is arriving at hers. She awkwardly asks him to the Turnaround Dance on Saturday night and Cory, shocked, accepts in the hopes that this will make him forget about Anna. But no-here comes Anna now. She steps between Cory and Lisa and introduces herself to Lisa. They talk a bit before the bell rings. As Lisa is walking away, Anna grabs Cory and kisses him, effectively ensuring that he won't be forgetting her anytime soon.

A few hours later, school is over for the day and Cory and Lisa are at their lockers again. When Lisa opens hers, she gets a nasty surprise. There's a dead cat inside with a note attached: "Lisa-You're Dead Too" A cat had to die for THIS? Later, after helping Lisa clean out her locker and missing gymnastics practice, Cory starts walking home and is soon joined by Anna, the cat slaying ghost. She seems appalled at the cat in the locker story and Cory instantly knows she didn't do it. You poor dumb bastard. She mentions the Turnaround Dance and asks if he wouldn't rather go with her, but he says he can't do that to Lisa. Cory asks her about her phone call on Saturday night, but she says someone was playing a joke on him because she never called. Suddenly Anna flips out and says "he's" watching her and she runs off into the dark. Cory assumes she's referring to the crazy and dangerous Brad. Because he's crazy and dangerous and wouldn't be above sneaking out at night to spy on his dead sister and her foolish victim.

At home, after enduring his mother cooing over the fact that he's going to the dance with Lisa ("I always knew it would happen."), he goes to his room to study. But of course his phone rings. It's just David who's calling because he wants to know why Cory has been acting so strange lately. "Cory, you've been in a dream world ever since you met Anna." Cory gets defensive and they hang up angry at each other. To take his mind off that, he goes to Lisa's house where she flirts and he...talks about Anna and reads about crime in the newspaper. Then we get the obligatory "threatening" phone call. "You're dead too. You're dead too. You're dead too." Only on the inside.

It's now the night of the dance and Lisa is busy bitching about how she's sure Anna is the one harrassing her. Everyone else is dancing to Phil Collins and Cory wants to join them. They dance for a few minutes, but Lisa just ends up dragging Cory to the side to whine that he keeps defending Anna. SHUT. UP. Lisa gets angrier and angrier, even shoving Cory into the wall. Eventually she calms down, apologizes for embarrassing Cory, and leaves. Meanwhile, Cory is literally smiling because he thinks Lisa is jealous of Anna. Dude. You are such an ass. A girl screaming breaks Cory out of his smug state. "It was Lisa's scream!" NOOO! Someone shoved Lisa down some stairs, but she only twists her ankle, nothing interesting like a compound fracture cutting through her leg skin or something. Lisa describes the pusher and Cory realizes it was Brad. Crazy. Dangerous. Yep. Cory thinks Brad might still be around for absolutely no reason. So he and Lisa roam a deserted hallway looking for a psycho who kinda wants them both dead. They hear a noise in a biology classroom, but it's only two trashy teens making out like their lives depend on it. Lisa pulls Cory into a music room (why are the biology rooms and music rooms so close together?) so she can laugh her ass off, but it ain't so funny when Brad enters the room. When he spots them, he runs, slams the door, and throws something against it so they can't get out. Oh Brad.

Cory looks out the window and sees Brad jump into a car and drive off. He decides the only way they'll be able to get out is if he uses his killer gymnastics skills to walk a three inch ledge until he gets close enough to a nearby tree to jump on it and climb down. The ledge is a little slippery so falls onto a lower ledge and throws himself through a conveniently open window. "I'll have to thank whoever left that window open." 

He runs to the room where Lisa is trapped and lets her out. Brad used the hall monitor's desk to keep them inside. The hall monitor's desk. Why in the HELL would a hall monitor need a desk? Are the drawers full of the remains of kids who didn't have hall passes? Hall monitor's desk. Bullshit. Anyway, the two go to Lisa's house where she receives a phone call from a heavy breathing pervert who says nothing and hangs up. This scares her and Cory says he'll talk to Anna tomorrow and then they can go to the police about Brad who presumably made that sexy phone call. What are they gonna tell the police? They have absolutely no proof of anything. Oh well. The cops will believe them anyway because Shadyside cops don't give a shit about things like evidence.

The next morning, Cory drives to Fear Street and knocks on the Corwins' door. While he's waiting, the Ghostly Guard appears. "Don't ever see you much in the daytime." This guy gives me Deliverance vibes. He tells Cory that the Corwins left earlier, then he leaves, too.

The next day, Cory gets to school and searches for Anna. He doesn't find her until the end of the day. He tells her they've got to talk and she agrees. They go to the Pizza Oven in Division Street Mall which just sickens me. How dare they not support Pete's Pizza?!? Anyway, Cory tells Anna to tell him everything so she does. Here we go... Dad left, Mom is sickly, Brad is the head of the family, sister Willa FELL DOWN THE BASEMENT STAIRS, Brad always got the two sisters confused because his brain is no good (which explains the prologue) because his girlfriend Emily died in a plane crash and it really screwed him up, Brad tells everyone Anna is dead and sometimes won't let her out of the house, and the newspaper obituary that Cory and Lisa found that declared Anna dead was supposed to be Willa's, but Brad told the paper Anna was the one who died. So all this time there hasn't been a ghost at all. Just a broken family and a very disturbed young man in desperate need of psychiatric assistance. Son of a bitch. A few seconds later, they spot Brad at the window. Anna runs out a back door, but Brad just stands there staring at Cory. MENACINGLY!

At home, Cory burns up the phone lines repeatedly trying to call Anna. No answer. Finally Brad picks up and tells Cory "Anna isn't anywhere. Anna is dead." before hanging up. Cory is afraid Brad did kill Anna so he immediately leaves for Fear Street. He arrives at their house, knocks, and hears Anna scream "He's come for me! Let me go!!" Cory rushes inside and finds the two fighting. Obviously. Cory runs in and he and Brad wrestle. Brad tries to choke Cory, but Cory bashes his head with a vase. With Brad unconscious, Anna pulls out a letter opener to stab him, but Cory won't let her so she turns on him after leading him up the stairs and into the hallway. He falls out an open window trying to get away from her, but since this is the poor man's Spider Man, he swings himself back through the window and hears Brad coming up the stairs. He tells Cory, who is gripping the struggling Anna, that he tried to keep him away from Anna for his safety. Ready for more insanity? Anna is actually Willa. Willa lost her damn mind after Anna died because she's probably the one that killed her. She was insanely jealous of the perfect Anna (which explains the prologue, for real this time) and Brad wishes he had gotten her help sooner, before she started pretending to be Anna and trying to kill everybody. Cory asks why he pushed Lisa down the stairs at the dance and he says he thought it was Willa and tried to grab at her, but she fell. A likely story. Brad tells Cory to call the cops. "We've got to get her some help."

Flash forward to Cory eating chocolate cake with Lisa and explaining the whole Anna/Brad/Willa thing. "Another horror story from the folks on Fear Street." Then they kiss. Two thumbs DOWN.

Conclusion? - I liked this one until it started going off the rails like so many of these books do. This one should have been titled "The Ghostly Guards" and been all about Voltaire and Strange Neighbor Guy solving crime and patrolling Fear Street for evil ghosts. *sigh* What could've been!

Next time: "Beach Party" A beach. A party. Death. What more do you need to know?

Fear's First Guest Post

Remember that time when I asked you ghouls to send me your Fear-y memories, etc.? Well, someone finally took me up on it. Introducing Drucilla (how awesome is that name?) and her first piece for Fear Street.

*****

First off, I hope I don’t bore anyone with this guest blog, but when the word was put out for personal stories concerning the Fear Street series, I had to write this. I found this Fear Street blog in the latter half of 2011 and thought it serendipitous because I had started rereading my collection. Below are my experiences with both the Fear Street series and the Goosebumps series. I think they both had a big effect on me. While my guest blog won’t be hilarious or awesome, the real blog is and I can’t wait to read more of it.

My Journey Down Fear Street Gave Me Goosebumps

I was born in 1989. The same year the first Fear Street book was published and three years before the first Goosebumps was published. As a child of the 90’s, you couldn’t escape these series’. If you didn’t find them on your own, your librarian was ready to suggest these short, easy books for you. I was of the former persuasion. I loved to read and still do. There wasn’t really anything like YA when I was in school so you read middle school books and then jumped to adult authors like Stephen King and Anne Rice. Stine’s books were always must more fun, if somewhat repetitive. Some of the first books I ever owned where R.L. Stine books, specifically Goosebumps #20 The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight and #22 Ghost Beach. I also owned a few of his standalone works, such as Curtains and Beach House.

 

In my elementary school days, yes, I did a book report on Ghost Beach complete with costume (sorry, no pictures. I only dressed like I was going to the beach with fake mascara freckles). Yes, I also joined the R.L. Stine fan club. However, it wasn’t until high school that I decided I wanted to complete the collections because they were a big part of my childhood (I also can’t stand to have an incomplete series on my shelf). It has taken my almost eight years to collect every original Fear Street book (63), every Fear Street Super Chiller (13) and every original Goosebumps book (62). I limited my collection to these three series, otherwise I’d be broke and forever collecting (there’s a reason Stine has sold more children’s books than anyone else…he writes more children’s books than anyone else). Along the way, I’ve read so many more of his books and also picked up The Nightmare Room series and How I Broke Up With Ernie, one of R.L. Stine’s only comedic works (I can’t tell you how excited I was to find this book after hearing about it for years).  

If you’re thinking that eight years is a long time to be collecting something that’s not rare at all, you have to understand something: I wasn’t constantly looking for these books. Whenever I would happen upon them cheap on Ebay, in used bookstores, or more recently, on Swap.com, I’d buy them. It was always exciting to spot Fear titles in a thrift store. It, also, always necessitated a call to my mother who would then traipse into my room to compare the titles on my shelf to the ones I had found in the store (my mother was always somewhat less excited than I was). So, finally, at some point in 2010, I managed to complete my collection…but when to read them?

You see, once I had found a new R.L. Stine book for my collection, I did not read it. I had intended on reading them back to back (although I soon learned that this would not prove to be the case). Having to cart loads of these quick reads back and forth to college (a 2 ½ hour drive) was illogical. Only a summer could contain the epic Stine-gasm that was to be (I now apologize for the mental image that “Stine-gasm” just gave you (and again just then)). Luckily, I just happen to be graduating so I had a nice long summer to which to devote to my project. However, I came across another problem, mainly, that if I read all of these books back, I’d be burned out on them (not to mention, I’d be ignoring the back log of unread books I already had). A formula presented itself: As the Stine books are relatively short, I’d read a Stine book between every other book I’d read. Thus, ends my story. I started reading the Fear Street series in May of 2011. I finished all of them in March 2012. I promptly started on the Goosebumps series and as of June 9, I am on #41, Bad Hare Day.  

Of course, in my readings and rereading’s, I found that this blog is right…a lot of these books are really bad. On Goodreads were I reviewed the books (not to the epicness that this blog does, sadly), I find myself giving many one star ratings, two star ratings, occasionally a three star one, and even rarer, a four star. Surprisingly, the Goosebumps books consistently get a higher rating from me. Go figure.

R.L. Stine’s books have had a huge effect on me. Be honest, I think everyone had one of his books or at least knew someone who owned one. I believe he made me a better reader and perhaps it wouldn’t be all that crazy to say that he helped make me a lifelong reader. With these series, I found books that interested me. Not the Stephen King books that everyone was reading (honestly, his books kind of freak me out) or the simple white washed stories for tweens where nothing really happens. I kept reading through that drought until I was older and could find better books that interested me. 

So there you have it. My “Journey of Fear” (shoot me for that title please). I will finish the Goosebumps Series before the summer is over and I go back to grad school to major in publishing. I will finish a chapter on my reading history (reading pun!). I probably won’t read these books again, but I’ll definitely keep them and my children will (I’ll make them.)

*****

I love that she's going to force Stine upon her unsuspecting future children. We must expose the next generation or all will be lost. Thank you, Drucilla!!

Twisted

Book Description:

Anything for a sister.

Abby would do anything to be in the school's most exclusive sorority. And now she's got the chance. Because the sorority sisters have asked her to join them. All Abby has to do is get through the initiation. That might be a problem. Because this year, the initiation is going to be.... Murder.

My Description:

Abby is totally disgusted by her sister Gabriella's refusal to join the Tri Gammas, Rockland State's most EXCLUSIVE sorority. Aren't you impressed?! Don't you think Gabriella is a stupid slut for not joining?! Let's all hold hands and jump off a cliff! HUZZAH! Anyway, the girls fuss with each other over the stupid sorority thing. The fight ends with Abby calling Gabriella "inhuman". Tee hee. Gabriella leaves and Abby's mother enters the room. She doesn't want Abby to move to that silly old sorority house because she won't be cozy in mother's nest anymore. Lady, your daughter is unhinged. For the sake of your health, LET HER GO. Just before Abby leaves for the campus, her mother asks her if she'll be able to handle it if she doesn't get into the sorority. "Mother - stop. They're not going to reject me. I'm going to get in - no matter what." Uh-oh.

Abby takes a bus to the campus where she hurries to the Tri Gam house. She sees a girl named Leila Sherman enter before her. Abby is horrified because this chick stole her boyfriend Gordon last year. I think. Close enough. Abby enters the house and is disappointed to find that it looks more like a grandma's house than a "vibrant, sparkling new world." Is she serious? Yes. Yes, she is. One of the Tri Gams greets her at the door in a green jumpsuit and a chunk of green crap stuck in her teeth to match. Abby gets a name tag and goes upstairs to a room where the other pledges are. She talks to a girl she knows named Nina who used to be close friends with, but Abby decided Nina was too childish for her and they drifted apart. Abby finds out that Nina and Leila are roommates and Leila is still dating the magnificent Gordon who probably isn't worth the dirt he walks on. The conversation gets painfully awkward and Nina goes back to her seat. A few moments later, Leila comes over to Abby, all smiles. "Hey, Abby. What a shock! Hi!" Phony. As. Hell.

The group of pledges sit down to listen to Andrea Volner, the president of the Tri Gams, give a speech. Instead of paying attention to the perfect (and perfectly blond) Andrea, Abby thinks about Gordon and Leila. A year ago, Abby and Leila were actually best friends...and that's all we get. Just tell us what happened! Did Abby find Gordon the magical unicorn and Leila in a compromising position, creating flaming passion with their dry lips (literally--those things are like fucking matchsticks)? I almost don't want to know because the truth will be much less interesting than what I've conjured in my sordid imagination. SORDID! Back to the meeting. A girl named Jessie comes running in late and Rebecca, the girl sitting next to Abby, says "I don't believe it. Look at her. She didn't exactly dress up. She's wearing jeans--and they're not even 501s!" Classic. Abby looks down her snooty nose to examine Jessie: red-framed glasses, messy hair, baggy jeans, and a sweatshirt that "only emphasized that she had a definite weight problem." Abby is absolutely shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, that this girl would even attempt to be a Tri Gam! Glasses and a weight problem? Why doesn't she just kill herself?!? Rebecca says that Jessie's older sister was a Tri Gam so Jessie was automatically pledged. Andrea tells the group that only 10 of them will pledge and only 5 will make it as full members. Then she gets all mysterious *cue the fog machine* and tells them the pledges will have to commit a crime to prove their loyalty to the Tri Gams. OoOo.

Later, Abby meets with Nina at a coffee shop and they talk about this crime business. Abby thinks it's bullshit, but Nina is taking it pretty seriously for whatever reason. Unfortunately, the conversation turns to the hideous ones, Gordon and Leila. Nina seems unaware of how sick Leila makes Abby. She says Gordon is bad for Leila because he likes to make sweet love to her in his car where just anyone could see them. Seriously. Just as Nina realizes that Abby doesn't want to hear this and starts apologizing profusely, Jessie bounds up like a bespectacled jackrabbit and takes a seat. She introduces herself and goes on about how excited she is about the big crime she'll have to commit. Jessie views the whole thing as a "wild adventure" and obviously has never heard the words "conviction" or "prison" or "Big Ugly Bertha has a shank with your name on it". Nina and Abby leave a moment later and laugh their skinny asses off at Jessie because she's weird and honestly thinks she'll become a Tri Gam. These two have the personalities of heaping piles of pig shit so I'm not really sure why they think they have the right to laugh at Jessie...

After leaving the coffee shop, Nina goes back to the dorm room she shares with Leila who is waiting for her and seems a little pissed because she's late. Nina tells her old lady where she was and that doesn't go over too well. Leila says Abby is her enemy because she (Leila) hurt her by stealing Gordon. "Abby was so upset when Gordon-when Gordon decided he liked me better-her mother had to take her out of school for a year." Are you kidding me? How could this Gordon douche be so incredible that Abby couldn't do anything for a year? Unless Gordon shits diamonds and can turns rocks into gold nuggets, I'm not seeing his allure. Anyway, Leila says she got Nina a present and tosses her a leather case. Leila tells her it's binoculars so she can better spy on Gordon and Leila. Leila accuses her of being jealous. "You're just jealous. Why don't you just admit it? You've never had a boyfriend, have you? Have you?!" Nina says she doesn't have to answer that and Leila replies that one of them has to leave because she isn't rooming with a spy. Nina wants to work it out, but Leila just slams out of the room like the crazy, whiny baby she is.

When Abby gets home, all the lights in her house are out. She flicks one on and finds Gabriella sitting there in the dark like some weirdo. She wants to know how the meeting went, but Abby just wants to go to bed. Gabriella asks about the crime, but Abby doesn't answer, goes to her room, and wonders how Gabriella knew about that. Unfortunately, Abby finds Gordon waiting in her room. He climbed through the window to visit the one girl who hates him more than anything. Supposedly. For some reason, I thought Gordon was going to be all preppy, but he's wearing ragged, torn jeans, a greasy sweatshirt, and has long dirty hair. "He still looks like Sean Penn, Abby decided. A big, unwashed Sean Penn." Yeah...if Sean Penn lived in a dumpster behind the 7-11. Gordon came through the window to apologize for leaving Abby for her former best friend. "Last year, I was just immature, I guess." You GUESS? Why wait until a year later to bring this up? In fact, why bring it up at all? Gordon's so-called "apology" is basically a way to rub salt in Abby's wounds. Abby responds by making out with him. DAMMIT.

A week later, the Tri Gams board a bus that takes them to their first stop on the way to becoming semi-hardened criminals. "The house, set back in the woods at the end of Dune Road, could have been the setting of The Amityville Horror or some other horror movie." Yes, it's an old, creepy, isolated house complete with gnarled trees, ghostly shadows, and some meddling kids who have been here since the '60s.

Abby notices how Leila keeps giving Nina really evil, hateful looks and she wonders if they're having roomate problems. She never thinks it might have something to do with that parasite Gordon. Anyway, the big house isn't so creepy on the inside. "It was well lit and cheerfully decorated with surprisingly modern, comfortable-looking furniture. And it was warm and dry." Warm-dry cheerful modern furniture won't stop the horror to come! (Please let there be horror.) Andrea pulls out a list of room assignments and in a twist we all saw coming, Abby and Leila will be roommates. Abby thinks it'll be ok because it's only for a few nights, but of course she's kidding herself. I hope...

The next day, Andrea takes the girls for a tour of the town and tells them "Memorize everything. Your life may depend on it." Such dramatics. They go into Driftwood Antiques for the first step in the crime they're going to be forced to commit. Andrea lies and tells the old lady minding the shop, Mrs. Driftwood (that's actually her name), that they're cheerleaders from Pennsylvania and they're here to admire the jewelry. When the woman goes in back to answer the phone, Andrea tells the girls "There's the side entrance. And there's the cash register. Memorize everything. Everything." She says they'll be coming back tomorrow for the jewelry and money in the register. So they're going to rob a little old lady who runs an antique store in a nearly dead town and probably has next to zero dollars in the register? Andrea, you are truly a piece of shit for coming up with this plan and forcing these feeble minded girls to go along with it. I hope the old lady meets them at the door with a fully loaded shotgun and I hope she's wearing ALL the jewels.

Later, Abby and Nina are at the house, hanging out in the living room. Nina tells Abby not to trust Leila who walks into the room a moment later and pretends not to see them, sitting next to two other girls instead. Nina tells Abby about her fight with Leila and Abby realizes that Leila is a piece of crap and she never wants to be friends with her again. Was that not obvious from the very beginning? Andrea enters the room and announces it's time for a meeting. She talks about the plan for tomorrow and Leila asks what will happen if they screw it up. Andrea says they won't because that has never happened before and the crimes always go unsolved. Just because other girls didn't muck up doesn't mean this batch won't. Andrea shows them a silver pistol to prove this shit is really happening. After she finishes describing what they'll do tomorrow, a girl named Ruby speaks up and says she's not doing it. She wants to call a friend to pick her up, but Andrea says there's no phone so Ruby will have to wait at the house until it's time for everybody to leave. They pull straws to see who will have to carry the pistol the next day and Nina gets the short one. "No! No!" YES.

A short while later, Abby and Leila are in their room when motherf*&!ing Gordon taps at the window. He climbs inside and Abby gets all excited and tries to hug him, but he walks right past her to Leila. Ouch. Leila is horrified that he's here and suspicious of the way Abby greeted him. Abby is embarrassed and just wants to die. Gordon is oblivious to everything because he's a moron.

The next morning, Nina is freaking out because she's the one who has to carry the gun and hold up an old woman. Nina seems to be the only girl who truly believes this is more than just an elaborate joke. All Abby cares about is Gordon and how she embarrassed herself the night before. WHO CARES? Gordon is a stupid creep and Leila is a piece of dried out dog shit. Why does Abby care what either of them think of her? Anyway, Andrea comes in and it's time to leave. On the bus, Abby overhears Andrea tell Nina that the gun is loaded with blanks which, to Nina, confirms all this is a joke...unless Andrea is lying. GASP! When they arrive at Driftwood Antiques, Andrea tells them it should only take a few minutes and she'll be waiting outside for them. She's not even going to watch the foolishness she's wrought? I really don't like you, Andrea. You should be forced to watch the look of horror on the old lady's face when she realizes she's being robbed at gunpoint. Maybe that would make you at least a little ashamed of your dumbass self. So the girls go inside, Nina points the gun at Mrs. Driftwood, and immediately chickens out. Jessie grabs the gun and takes charge. Shortly after, Mrs. Driftwood has a heart attack and dies. "She's dead. We've killed her." Have a nice guilt.

All Andrea can say is "This wasn't in the script. It wasn't in the script." Screw your script! They're back at the house and no-one called 911 at the shop because Andrea wants to "regroup" first. No-one gives a damn about Mrs. Driftwood. They're all too worried about getting caught. Andrea shocks them all by saying she never went inside so she won't be to blame even though the entire thing was HER idea. She says she's going to find a phone to call the police and she'll support the girls the best she can. Total bitch. Everyone starts arguing and Jessie ends up telling Andrea to sit her ass down because she isn't going anywhere. Andrea says they should all go to their rooms for now and they'll meet up again at 3PM to decide what to do. Ok, these people are truly idiotic. The woman died of a heart attack. She's not covered in stab wounds or full of bullet holes so no-one would ever think she was murdered. She wasn't murdered! What these fools did was cruel and ridiculous, but they didn't technically kill her. So why the hell won't anyone call 911?!?! GAHHHHH!

Abby takes the nearly hysterical Nina to her room where Leila tells Nina that the entire thing has to be a joke and Mrs. Driftwood is probably just acting. Nina feels better, but Jessie comes in and says it's NOT a joke and Mrs. Driftwood IS dead because she herself examined her. Thank you, Doctor Doofus. Nina goes to her own room to cry alone and Jessie leaves which means Abby is alone with Leila who has a bone to pick. "There's something going on between you and Gordon, isn't there!" You just watched a woman die and all you want to talk about is Gordon? Kill me now. Abby pretends she doesn't know what Leila is talking about, but Leila saw how she acted when Gordon showed up. Leila says she doesn't feel that bad about dating Gordon because it was his decision to leave Abby for her. I just...I just really don't care about any of this. Leila flips out two seconds later and screams "You stay away from Gordon!" I think it would be in everyone's best interest if Gordon would just go ahead and drop dead. Abby retaliates by screaming "Don't you threaten me! Don't you ever threaten me!" and throwing a container of blush at Leila. That pretty much takes the fight out of Leila and she leaves the room to check on Nina.

A few moments later, Abby is shocked when Gabriella enters the room. She says it wasn't too hard to figure out where the girls were staying and she's very vague about why she came at all. She leaves the room and Abby sits in front of the mirror to draw all over her face with red lipstick, one of the many habits of the truly insane.

Nina and Jessie are talking on the porch when they hear a gunshot and see a man running through the weeds. If you guessed it's Gordon, dear, you would be correct. But it's 3 PM and Jessie and Nina have to meet up with the other girls so they don't think anymore about it. A storm has blown in and two girls argue over who should close an open window against the rain. Because that's worthy of an argument. *sigh* Everyone realizes Andrea is nowhere to be seen. They go upstairs and she's lying on the floor in a pool of blood, dead. "She's been shot!" Bad little Gordon! They go back downstairs and the storm causes the lights to go out so the girls light candles and argue about whether to go out into the storm to find a phone. Then Abby announces that one of them must be a killer, but Nina speaks up, says it has to be Gordon, and explains what she saw and heard earlier. Then they hear someone banging on the door. OF COURSE it's Gordon and the moment he enters the house, Nina starts screaming that he killed Andrea. He says he didn't kill her and he was only running off because he didn't want anyone knowing he snuck in the night before. Abby says he was there to see her and was with her all night *wink wink*. Gordon says that's a lie and he was there to see Leila. Jessie finally interrupts and says she's locking Gordon in on the bedrooms upstairs just to be safe until they can get help.

Leila is now sitting in the kitchen drinking tea and thinking about what she always thinks about (rhymes with 'schmordon'). She decides she needs to go talk to Abby, but when she goes into their room, Abby turns and says "I'm not Abby. I'm Gabriella." According to Leila, Abby doesn't have a sister. Apparently this is what happened to Abby when Gordon broke up with her for Leila. She went completely and created another identity for herself. Gabriella is the bad side of Abby, the one who takes care of business if you know what I'm saying. Gabriella is not too happy with Leila. Gabriella thinks Leila should pay for hurting Abby. Gabriella has a gun...

Nina is in the living room bemoaning the shithole that her life has become and thinking about her home and how she doesn't wanna room with Leila anymore. A second later, she looks down and sees a phone cord. She tells the others and they find that the cord is plugged into a jack, but there's no phone to be found. Then they all hear a scream.

Gabriella has forced Leila into the basement at gunpoint. She's prepared to shoot her in the face, but Gordon interrupts. Gabriella says she has plenty of bullets, enough to kill both Leila AND Gordon. What a peach. Gordon leaps at Gabriella for the gun, a shot is fired, and Leila screams. The other girls come running at the sounds and find Gabriella and Gordon rolling on the floor and fighting to get the gun (while Leila stands by and does nothing), but Nina goes over and grabs the gun before either of them can. She tells Gordon to get away from Abby and he does. He runs to Leila and Abby looks at them and says with a smile on her face "I'll kill you, Leila. I'll kill you." And no-one would blame you, precious. "I killed Andrea. And I killed Mrs. Driftwood." Well, now, that's a different story. After she says that, Andrea and Mrs. Driftwood appear at the top of the stairs. They're very much alive and Andrea tells the girls the game is over and they're all Tri Gams now. I can't imagine any of them give a damn about that after all the crap they've been through. Nina tells Andrea that she is disappointed and ashamed about everything and her first task as a Tri Gam is to stop the horrible shit Andrea puts pledges through every year. Leila tells Andrea that Abby's mind is broken and someone needs to call for help. At this point, all Abby can do is repeat "I'm not Abby. I'm Gabriella." Leila cries and says it's all her fault that Abby is this way right after Jessie confesses that she was in on the whole thing. An ambulance arrives for Abby and Leila and Gordon go upstairs. She says she doesn't want to be a Tri Gam and Gordon thinks she's TWISTED for quitting after all this hell. Shut up, Gordon. I mean it, dammit. Anyway, Abby/Gabriella is taken away, presumably to be locked away in a padded cell for many months to come. The other girls will probably have a lifetime of therapy to look forward to. And all for a stupid sorority prank. I think I'm gonna puke...

Conclusion?: If I ever come across anyone named Gordon, I will kick him in the balls SO hard.

Next time: "The New Girl" The very first Fear Street book. 1989 was the year for Fear.

All-Night Party

Book Description:

The night time is the right time - for murder.

Gretchen Davies and her friends all know Fear Island is an awesome place to have a party. You can dance all night, share secrets with your best friends, fall in love... Or die. Because there's a madman loose on the island. A killer who plans to spoil the party. The birthday girl gets to go first, of course. Who's next?

My Description:

Gretchen and her friends Hannah, Gil, Jackson, and Patrick are in Gretchen's blue minivan waiting for the light to turn green. I think we can all agree that minivans kick ass. Maybe this party won't be so bad after all! (It will.) They're on their way to "kidnap" their mopey friend Cindy who thinks they completely forgot about her birthday. Little does she know that she's about to be dragged off to Fear Island against her will for a party everyone will soon regret. Happy birthday, Cindy, you poor pathetic wretch. Gretchen looks at Jackson in the rear view mirror and thinks about how creepy he is and how she's only known him for a short time. She's been receiving weird calls where the caller immediately hangs up when she answers the phone. She thinks it's Jackson because of his creepy ways, mostly his shifty eyes. And yet she allowed him to enter the sacred realm of her blue minivan and tag along on a suicide mission to Fear Island. It must secretly be love...or something that doesn't even remotely resemble love. Either/or.

So they show up at Cindy's house in the middle of the night like sneaky bandits, let themselves into her house, and snatch her off her bed while she completely freaks out. Patrick pulls out a gun and points it at Cindy's head. Once she screams bloody murder, he starts laughing and says it isn't even loaded. Asshole. They blindfold Cindy and she calms down when they tell her they're taking her somewhere for her birthday. These people seriously SUCK. Couldn't they just take her bowling or something? Anything would be better than frigging Fear Island. They may as well shove her head in a toilet or make her eat dog food. Anyway, they all get in the van and Gretchen asks Patrick why he's carrying a gun. He says a prisoner escaped from upstate and was recently seen in the Fear Street Woods. Since Shadyside cops are absolutely useless, the guy is probably still wandering around. Hell, he could camp out in front of the police station and they still wouldn't catch him. They'd probably bring him coffee and crumpets. Patrick goes on to say the guy killed three teenage girls...just like the ones in the van right now! OOOO! The group considers going somewhere else just to be safe, but of course they decide to go to Fear Island anyway because they're not afraid of dying at the hands of a madman. Plus, they worked really hard at getting the cabin ready. Meaning they swept the floor and dusted for cobwebs.

The idiots take a rowboat across Fear Lake to the cabin. On the way, Patrick pretends they're being chased by Jaws (who would never lower himself to this) and the girls talk about Gretchen's boyfriend Marco who she didn't invite because she secretly can't stand him. They finally reach the shore and Gretchen gets to the cabin first, just as it starts to rain. The lights aren't working and as Gretchen enters the dark cabin, someone grabs her. It's Marco who decided to surprise everybody by butting in where he isn't wanted. Gretchen is pissed because he scared her--she thought he was the psycho killer. Don't we all wish?! Gretchen admires Marco's hot body and thinks about what an ass he is. Everybody else enters the cabin and no-one but Cindy (who's a little blonde harlot according to Gretchen) cares that Marco is there which she shows by running into his arms.

The group cook hot dogs in the fireplace. Hannah and Cindy are bitchy with each other over Gil who is currently dating Hannah but once dated Cindy for six months. Gil blatantly flirts with Cindy in front of Hannah. Instead of roasting Gil's chestnuts over the open fire, the girls just bicker with one another over stupid shit like whether Gil likes ketchup or mustard on his hot dog or if Gil prefers Coke (THE MASTER) or ginger ale. WHO THE HELL CARES?? Hannah flees to the kitchen and Gretchen follows. Hannah can't stand Cindy and hates her even more since she won a scholarship Hannah desperately wanted which is a bitch because Cindy's family is pretty rich and she probably doesn't need that scholarship like Hannah does. Hannah tells Gretchen that she wishes Cindy was dead. Good news! In a few hours, she probably will be!

Cindy decides it's time to open her presents which is a lesson in futility for all of us. No matter what you buy for a rich girl, she'll treat it like it's a steaming pile of dog doo because she's got better or can get better. Anyway, Gretchen bought her earrings ("Great earrings."), Hannah got her a bottle of perfume ("Too bad it makes me break out."), Gil and Jackson chipped in together and bought her two tickets to a rock concert ("Cool gift." She drops them to the floor like they're covered with boric acid.), and finally Marco's gift, a box full of slasher movies which sounds pretty good to me, but not to Cindy: "Ohhhh. Gross! Yuck! Ugh! How can any normal person watch that stuff?" Go to hell, Cindy. Patrick says he'll take them and Cindy gives them to him right in front of Marco who is rightly pissed. Almost everyone is appalled at how rude Cindy is being. Except for Patrick who said he didn't wrap her gift so he'll give it to her later. Just admit you didn't buy her anything. No-one will blame you, trust me.

Next, they all decide to put on a CD and dance instead of sitting around thinking about what a little shit Cindy is. Gretchen thinks for the 365866372th time that Jackson is acting creepy because he's staring at her again. Shut up, Gretchen. After dancing, Gretchen goes outside for more firewood and Gil and Hannah walk to the dock. Gretchen goes behind the cabin and overhears Jackson and Cindy talking in the kitchen. She can't make out what they're saying, but they sound pissed off. Then she hears a SLAP which can only mean Cindy finally got SERVED. Don't worry, Cindy. Your face will feel better when it stops hurting. Gretchen decides to ignore this because if it's serious, Patrick and Marco will break it up. And because everybody hates Cindy so who the hell cares if someone pops her in the mouth? Gretchen bumbles through the darkness until her flashlight goes out. Then she starts to panic, rushing back to the cabin. Some doucher pops out of the darkness and grabs her. It's Marco, but Gretchen was positive it was the escaped prisoner and she's angry at Marco all over again. Apparently the dummy didn't learn his lesson the first time he pulled this crap. Gretchen takes the opportunity to tell him she doesn't want to see him anymore. He responds by pulling out a switchblade and hacking at the bark of a tree. "I'm angry." You don't say! The two walk back to the cabin which is totally empty. It starts raining again so Gretchen assumes everyone will show up soon. She goes into the kitchen and finds the slashed body of Cindy on the floor. The party has begun, children.

Marco comes running at the sound of Gretchen puking all over the crime scene. Then Patrick enters with blood all over his shirt. He says he cut his hand and then wonders aloud how the escaped prisoner got in. They go into the living room just as Gil and Hannah come in. Gretchen tearfully tells them that Cindy is dead. They're shocked and Hannah starts crying. Why are these people acting so sad? We KNOW they're smiling on the inside. They discuss calling the police, but Patrick informs them that there are no phones on the island. How convenient. They decide they can't go home because the storm has gotten worse. Would you rather face a damn thunderstorm or a homicidal maniac who might make a lampshade out of your supple skin? Exactly. Jackson comes in with a load of firewood, then heads for the kitchen to make sure Cindy is really dead and it isn't just a joke. The girls insist that they all need to get help, but Patrick keeps contradicting them with excuses. He thinks they should stay in the cabin until morning because he has a gun and can defend them. No comment. Then they all scare themselves shitless with the idea that the killer could be inside with them. I get the impression that the cabin is pretty small so where would he be hiding, in the walls? Plus, Gretchen has been in here for a while. Wouldn't she have noticed if he were there? Wouldn't he have already killed her? Anyway, they search the house and find nothing. A few moments later, Gretchen sees movement on the porch. She steps out and it turns out to be Jackson who went out earlier to prowl around making sure the killer isn't close. As if he could do anything if he actually found a hardened killer in the bushes. Gretchen goes back inside with yet another reason to think Jackson is a weirdo. Marco and Jackson go into the kitchen to make sure the murderer isn't hovering about. They're gone for about 1.5 seconds when Gretchen gets worried, puts her ear to the kitchen door, hears nothing, and screams "The killer IS in there! He killed Marco and Jackson!" Is she completely insane? Silence doesn't automatically equal death. Maybe they're just sharing an intimate moment. Jackson and Marco come running and explain to the stupid Gretchen that they were just checking the cupboard. Gretchen asks Marco about the fight he had with Cindy earlier and he says he never fought with her. Gretchen never actually saw who it was. She heard them and thought it sounded like Jackson. So she assumes he's lying and he's the killer because he's a freaky creepy weirdo who keeps giving her LOOKS. Did she ever think that maybe she has something nasty stuck in her teeth and THAT'S what he keeps staring at? Never mind. Shut your rusty trap, Gretchen.

The night drags on a little longer. Gretchen continues to be paranoid. Hannah and Gil fight about Cindy. The fight ends with Gil screaming that he was going to break up with Hannah to date Cindy again to which Hannah screams "I hate you!" Then they both scream that they wish the other were dead. Gretchen finally tells them to stop. Then the wind blows the door open and EVERYBODY stops. Jackson accidentally left it ajar. They all talk more about killers and Cindy and Jackson tells them to follow him to the kitchen because he wants to examine Cindy's body closer. They follow and Gretchen notices that Cindy is (was?) clutching a baseball cap in one hand. Jackson asks who it belongs to and Patrick says it's his. KILLER! Patrick doesn't know how it got there. LIAR! Hannah cries some more. SOB FACE! Gretchen theorizes that maybe Cindy was going outside and grabbed Patrick's hat so her hair wouldn't get frizzy in the rain. IMBECILE! A few moments later, Gretchen finds a bootprint on the kitchen floor in some flour that Detective Gretchen assumes was spilled when the killer lunged for Cindy. She checks the bottoms of Patrick's boots which are by the door...they've got a coating of flour. KILLER!!! Patrick continues to swear up and down that he did not kill that teenage girl, but no-one believes him this time. They tie him to a chair and prepare to search his things for evidence. Gretchen finds a note from Cindy in Patrick's backpack that proves absolutely nothing: "Patrick, I can't keep our secret anymore. I'm going to tell my parents--no matter what happens. Don't try to stop me. Cindy" They're convinced that Patrick killed her over their little "secret". Then they find a big bloody knife in his sleeping bag. Well, damn. I guess Patrick killed her after all. This party sucks.

The group confronts Patrick with the evidence. Predictably, he denies being a stone cold killer. He says someone is trying to frame him and the killer must be one of them. The only solution is EVERYONE KILL THEMSELVES NOW. Please? Fine, be that way. Didn't know living was so important to you... Also, I thought the damn killer was supposed to be that "escaped prisoner". Patrick is a terrible liar. Anyway, these idiots are now unsure that Patrick murdered Cindy which is why Patrick is definitely the killer--he's smarter than them and can get away with it. He asks to see the note that Cindy wrote and he claims it's a fraud because the 'i' in 'Cindy' isn't dotted with a heart and Cindy always did that. Of course she did. I'm not going to bother with the rest of this unbearable and completely useless conversation because it solves nothing. They continue to question themselves and whether or not Cindy wrote the note and blah blah blah. They end up untying Patrick and then Hannah goes missing. She left...a note. "I can't stay here one more second with a killer. I'm too frightened." You have got to be kidding. Or shrooming. Gil, Marco, and Patrick run outside to look for her. Gretchen has to pull on her boots and Jackson stays behind with her. She considers bashing him the head with a log if he tries anything, but he speaks before she can make a move. "I guess you suspect..." Gretchen freaks out and flees before he can finish. She runs blindly through the forest and falls down a hill. Jackson falls on top of her. He helps her up, she confesses to being afraid of him because he looks at her too much, and he says he only does that because he really likes her. They hike back up the hill and suddenly hear Hannah screaming her head off. They run to the cabin where Gil, Marco, and Patrick are dragging Hannah inside. They accuse Hannah of being the killer and she *sigh* denies it. Gretchen decides all this is making her lips quite dry and she digs through her purse for some delicious Chap Stick. She spills the purse's contents and spots an old note. She reads it and is suddenly positive that she knows who the killer is. Obviously it's Patrick. Gretchen's note is an old one from Patrick and the handwriting matches the Cindy note. Patrick weakly attempts to deny it yet AGAIN which nearly causes my head to explode into bloody chunks, but he finally realizes this is pointless. He calmly pulls out his pistol and says he just might kill them all. He rambles crazily about how Cindy knew a secret about him and teased him over it, but that wasn't really why he killed her. He stabbed her to death because she didn't return his feelings about her and wouldn't date him. "I gave Cindy a birthday party to die for." Yeah...but why did you do it with so many people around, dumbass? And you left so much evidence. You are the worst murderer in Shadyside history, Patrick, and that, sir, is truly pathetic. Truly. Patrick killed Cindy after she slapped him for trying to kiss her.

A moment later, Patrick turns the gun on Gretchen, but he doesn't get the chance to shoot because a police officer magically appears in the doorway. He and his partner get the gun away from Patrick and cuff him. He asks why the cops are here and one of them tells him that Patrick's father told them that Patrick stole his gun and the cops came to get it. Patrick was in trouble once before for setting a fire in Waynesbridge. That was his BIG secret. Cindy didn't even know about it. She used to tell him he looked dangerous, though, and he assumed she was talking about the fire. The book ends with Jackson and Gretchen watching the sunrise and not thinking about the fact that if those cops hadn't shown up, their guts would be nothing but splatters on a wall right now. "Party's over." I hate you, Gretchen.

Conclusion?: This is just a fucking abomination. A plague. A disease. I'm pretty sure reading this thing has taken years off my life.

Next time: "Twisted" Sorority sisters + murder = a hell of a mess.